1.20.11- Man it's been far too long. Whoever says senior year gives you lots of free time, they are flat out liars. All I do lately is eat, go to school, go to practice, do home (&& college apps), then go to sleep. I just watched the sun rise from the McDonalds by my school. When you get there at 6:30 && stay till 7:40 you can do that sort of thing. I left my house this morning at 6, having quietly slipped out of the house, leaving only a note for my whereabouts. I couldn't face my parent this morning; all I would have done is taken one look at them && started to cry. But that's a story for another time. I'm officially into college! && not just any college, but the college of my dreams. Now I just want to graduate && get the hell out of here. I'll miss all my friends terribly, but I can use a change of scenery right about now.

---------------------------------------------------
It's funny. All I want to do today is go home. Dealing with people is getting more difficult with each possible minute. I'm torn between being happy from getting accepted into college && feeling like I'm going to cry at the drop of a hat. I felt like bawling during French class because we're talking about families && our relationship with our parents. I pretty much felt like crap when everyone said their parents respect them && are proud of them. Right now I have a mom && a step-dad who cannot stand the sight of me (for a reason unknown to me), along with a strict dad I never see who is proud of me. Add my stop-mom who treats me like I'm something stuck to her shoe && hates me. I know a lot of people who say they have a parent who hates them && in truth their parent really does love them, but I say with utmost certainty she really does hate me. She hates that I don't make perfect A's in school, that I don't dress like my two sisters, my sarcastic yet loving personality, my alternative music, my dark eyeliner, && so, so much more. If I was like my sisters she'd accept me, love && respect me the way she does my sisters. But no, I'm not, so instead she just rolls her eyes, talks to me like I'm a child, && ignores me whenever possible. So for now I'm stuck between a rock && a hard place. There is not a house I can stay in that I will be accepted, loved, && treated with respect. That place for me was always my mother's house. The forever loving, kind place I grew up in. But the tension in the air there is palpable. There are no warm congratulations or happiness there. School cannot be my sanctuary because my heart is not whole enough to pursue conversations with even my closest of friends. Whoever knew that the day you get into the college of your dreams can also lead to the worst days of your life. 

12.19.11- I can't sleep. If I sleep, tomorrow will be here all the faster. I'm not ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow means losing the girl who has lived in my house for six months. The girl I have spent almost every waking moment with since the start of school. The girl who ranted with me about boys in the car on the way back from our school dance. The girl who cried with me when my step-dad when he had a heart attack. The girl who sang with me in the car. The girl who laughed with me when I was hyper from too much sugar. Tomorrow I'm losing a girl who was more than just a foreign exchange student that lived in my house. I'm losing a sister. && I'm not ready to lose her. I'm not ready for her to go. In a couple hours I have to stand in the airport && say goodbye. In a couple hours I have to be strong for her. But right now, I'm not strong. I'm weak && crying for the sadness a few hours will bring.

11.30.11-School is killing me day by day. I cannot wait for finals so I can finally get a break from all this stress. 

11.28.11- Getting my layout for the holiday season done (finally), so if you have any holiday song suggestions please message me!

11.23.11- Well this has been one hell of a couple of days. To explain I better start at the beginning. So Friday was my date. We went to Panera. We spent the whole time talking, laughing, && just generally having a good time. He even opened the car door for me, which no guy has ever done. :)
He also came to the game that night && the night after. That's when things went wonky. I started to feel rather sick. At the time I thought it was just from the heat of the gym. By the time my family went out to eat it was glaringly obvious that I had a fever... A rather high fever. My family had no clue my fever was high; all they knew was that I had a fever. Sunday went by uneventful. I spent the entirety of the day couped up in my room with a fever. I avoided letting anyone touching me. I didn't want them to know I was still sick. My mother forced me to stay home the next day. Monday is when all hell broke loose. I woke up that day && felt awful without any way of explaining why. I didn't feel feverish, just tired && weak. If I stood up too long I felt dizzy. I knew my job was to clean my room, but I couldn't get enough strength to actually clean. My mom came up && went ballistic. It was probably the angriest I have ever seen her. She went through every emotional breakdown a person can go through. Yelling, crying, manic fits of rage. The whole shebang. Honestly my head was so clouded I don't remember half of it. She forced me to get up && clean, thinking I was faking so I didn't have to clean. "I don't care if you end up puking all over all this shit, just clean it up" is the last thing I remember hearing before I hit the ground. After I finally regained consciousness, she screamed for my sister to come get me && take me out of her sight. Apparently she thought I faked passing out too. After a lot more screaming on her end, she dropped me to my doctors appointment. When I got there, the nurse immediately took my temperature. She looked at it, shook her head, && lead me into another room to use another thermometer. During the walk she kept looking at me funny && asking me how I got there. Did my mom drive me or did I drive myself. I didn't understand the relevance until the third, yes third thermometer reading. Most thermometers don't go as high as 105°F. 105°F temperature can cause brain damage && people being utterly incoherent. I had that same fever since the day before. I thought they were joking because I didn't feel feverish. That was until they gave me a blanket && I noticed how many goosebumps I had. After x-rays && tests, they found I have phenomia in the lower part of my left lung as well as a deep bronchial infection. So I'm stuck on bed rest till God knows when, taking medication that makes me tired && loopy, && forced to skip the family Thanksgiving party in SC (which I'm not too terribly sad about missing, just guilty because I never see them). I also think I might have worried my almost-boyfriend (I really don't what to call him without using his name) by saying that I passed out && had a 105°F fever in the same day && didn't go to the hospital. I had to promise him I will not try to clean or walk around too much until I get better. I think it's cute (unnecessary but cute) that he's worried about me. I haven't seen him since Saturday which feels like a lifetime ago. I miss him. && he told me he misses me to. :) 

11.18.11- I have a date tonight. It won't be anything big because I have to cheer afterwards but we are going out for the first time alone. Every time I see him there is at least one other person around. I'm so nervous. I'll let you guys know how it goes.
P.S- I have this friend who I've only known for a little while. She was in tech with me && the guy I am going out on the date with. At the end of the fall play, I got a suspicion she liked him. She always seemed to want to grab his attention && talked to him a lot over texting. I never outwardly asked her if she liked him because I did not want to know the answer. I didn't actually expect, at all, that this guy would ask me out. I've liked him for a year && nothing happened until now. She knows that we are going out && she says she's happy for me. But of course I feel guilty. && I'm not sure what to do...

11.13.11- What if I mess this up?
What if I can't be a good friend to you? 
What if I hurt you?
What if we break up?
What if this ends our friendship?
That's the reason I'm so scared to give this a try.
I can't lose you.

11.12.11- Update on my life: I've been keeping my wonderful bloggers out of the loop on several things. I have no had the nerve to explain it until now but now I will explain myself. 1) My step-dad had a heart attack two Sundays ago. He was out of state and the doctors found that all arteries had blockage, one with 100% blockage. They had to preform surgery immediately && I was not able to really have a conversation with him until he arrived home last Sunday. Safe to say two weeks ago was the worst week of my entire life. I thought, for the first time in my entire life, there was a possibility I could lose him. That scared me. He is fine now... Not all the way better, but recovering fast. 2) It is extremely possible I have fallen for my best friend... Again. I have liked him on && off for the past year or so, never acting upon how I felt. Finally I resolved myself to getting back out there && trying to find someone. My best friend && I stopped talking so frequently && every conversation seemed to be more stiff than usual. When I declared my love to another (as I joke considering I have never been introduced to the guy I said was my future husband) my friend seemed to become more awkward than usual. A couple days later I found out why: he likes me. Like he likes me likes me. Which breaks every rule I have ever made about dating friends. We are kinda a perfect match in a way though. He knows me better than any guy I've ever liked has. He's seen me act stupid on multiple occasions && for some strange reason I do not understand still likes me despite that. Who knows, maybe the next time I post I will have broken the no dating friends rule.

10.12.11- I am at school in a senior workshop. We are supposed to be working on college apps. I lost my work ethic about half an hour ago. So bored... Oh well. I think I'll just fix up an update then.

10.7.11- Sorry about the lack of updates. It's tech week so I pretty much spend my whole time after school either sleeping or working on sets/lighting. I'll update soon. Promise.

9.28.11- I feel like I need to clarify something. I use this to rant. I like to rant. It makes me feel better. Plus the ONLY people who I thought check this who know me offline are my two best girlfriends. I didn't think anyone else I knew still check this. But as of ten seconds ago I was proven wrong. I thought since we were no longer friends you wouldn't give a damn about my life. I hope I haven't hurt you in anyway; I promise that was not my intention. I never meant to hurt you. P.S- I will be changing this URL soon.

9.26.11- Massive rant at the end of new post. You don't have to read it, I just needed to put it out there. I'll add more quotes to it soon.

9.25.11- So much has changed in a year. People who I thought were going to be lifelong friends have turned out to be only a small chapter in my life. People who I didn't think I could be best friends with have turned out to be the people who I look forward to talking to every single day. People I love have gotten into bigger && better relationships. I speak to several friends on a daily basis instead of one. Don't get me wrong, I loved those days, but a lot of things have changed for the better.

9.21.11- Wow, you really don't like me. && wow, I really think it's funny.
9.20.11- Updated... Finally. I am going on the senior retreat this week so don't expect any posts from moi.
Officially I have written 200 quotes! This deserves a celebration. :)
I am overly busy (in a rather good way) && I find myself smiling almost every minute of ever day. I try not to ask myself why I'm happy though. I'm scared the answer might change everything.

9.10.11- I'm going to update soon, I promise. I love running full speed everyday all day. But when it comes to weekends I am completely fried. I took my last ACT today, finishing off standardized testing for the college process forever (yay). I am a new techie for the theater company, getting everything ready for the play in three weeks. I have a wonderful girl staying with me for the next couple o months who I get along with smashingly (such a wonderful word, don't you think?). I am running two club with my most awesome guy friend being the co-president on both clubs, totaling in at about forty people per club. Classes are going fabulously. && I am happy. Like every day wake up happy kind of happy.

9.4.11- I finally got my act together && put out the long waited update. Sorry for the insanely long wait. I've been having such a great senior year. I have a wonderful foreign exchange student living with me that already acts like a sister to me, keeping myself busied with club stuff, && amazing friends that keep me laughing constantly. We went out to dinner last night && had so much fun. I ended up staying an hour longer talking to my best guy-friend without knowing an hour went by. Gotta love having people around you that you can do that with. :)

8.26.11- Wow it's been awhile... A long while to be frank. I have been running myself full speed, never even stopping to take a breath. I go shopping, do my school work, get my clubs together (I'm running two this year && I want them to be perfect), go out with friends, babysit, && just generally stay busy. Whenever I have down time I read. Movies && tv have no appeal to me lately. I think the reason I'm running myself so hard is that my sister left for school && it's harder for me to think that she is gone if I stay busy. But more then that, I also think that if got myself to slow down, I would notice how lonely I am. && when I say lonely, I don'y mean that I'm not surrounded by people I love everyday, just simply I have no one to talk to at the end of the day. I guess I took that for granted when I was dating my ex && even though I am over him, I miss the constant companionship I had when we were dating. 
On another note, we had our first home football game tonight! && as seniors, we made shirts && went to be loud && obnoxious. But the game was rather boring so I spent most of the time talking to my (best) guy friend. Lately we spent a lot of time talking && hanging out because we get along so well. So tonight at the game, I spent most of it with him, either watching the game or walking around just the two of us. I never thought anything about it, I mean come on we are just friends, but I started to notice people stare at us more frequently. Then when we got back to our friends, two of them made a comment to me (outside of earshot of my guy friend && of course as a joke) about how we were flirting. We weren't. At least I don't think we were. He likes another friend of mine. He's not the kind to flirt unless he likes a girl. We are just friends. Plus even if I DID like him it would go against Remy's rules for dating a small school: 1) Do NOT date people in the same grade as you (unless spring of senior year). 2) Do NOT date people who are friends of yours. 3) Only date at school if one or both are gradating. No exceptions, unless you are like two of my friends who were practically made for each other, they just need to see it to. Exceptions lead to heartbreak. Plus I have my eye set on a different guy. Oh, I am so confused...

8.12.11-I know I haven't updated in awhile... I promise that I'm getting to it. 
Our foreign exchange student got here yesterday. She is extremely nice && easy going. We're going to have a great half-year together. We had to go to new student orientation for her (&& for me considering I am a student ambassador), which was simply a whole lot of boring. I got to see my freshman buddy though which was nice.
I'm actually getting excited for this new school year. I have my locker all picked out && organized, all my textbooks ordered, && all my class lists already posted. I love all the subjects I am taking (a great thing about being a senior is having full reign on the classes you take. Three histories in the fall= best year ever) && my class rosters are not bad at all. The one thing I am worried about is that the class I have been looking forward to all summer, the politics I love to learn more about, is a class of thirteen guys (fourteen if you include the teacher)... && me. The only girl. Usually I get along well with guys && the guys in my class are pretty easy to get along with, but I'm afraid they will single me out... Just because it's funny to pick on the only girl && because it will be hard not to. I'm just going to have to show them how much I stand my ground in class arguments && that it doesn't bother me to be the only girl in a room full of guys.
The newest turn of events in my life is my new policy of shitty high school drama. The policy is that if anyone tries to insult me, create rumors about me, make massive fights with me, or anything related to trying to make me miserable my senior year, my only response will be to smile && walk away. That's it. No trying to explain myself, which I always try to do, or giving them any satisfaction of letting them know  they hurt me. Just a simple smile && walk in the opposite direction. It will be vastly easier to keep myself from letting what other people think about me run my life like it has for the past several years, because unless I want to, I will never have to speak to anyone from my school ever again after May 18. I'm cutting the nonsense bull-shit out of my life this year; && I got to admit, it feels good. :)

8.10.11- Crazy week. My whole life is going to be in fast forward until Monday. So much to do, so little time.

8.8.11- Sorry I have been so MIA lately. School starts next week, I have three classes with summer homework along with the all-school assignment, my sister is painting the bathroom so I don't have a bathroom, locker pick-out, laptop pickup, && senior photos are all early Wednesday morning, my foreign exchange student is coming Thursday (yay!), && my mom has been on my back to do my pre-school clean up (so just to piss her off I put all my clothes in the hallway till she allows me to buy tupperware). && last but not least, my sister leaves for college on the 20th. This summer is ending too fast.
P.S.- (Did you know that P.S. stands for postscript? Fun fact I know.) Feel free to use the formspring box below to ask me questions. I'll pretty much answer anything.

7.21.11- I'm seriously having Harry Potter withdrawal (if you can't tell from my newest post). I'm now single again; which I had a feeling I would be. I am more mad about the jerkiness of the breakup instead of the fact that the relationship is over. 

7.16.11- It's been a long time coming I'm aware, but I would've liked a heads up before you declared it to all of facebook. A text break-up would be better then a facebook declaration without telling me we're through.

7.15.11- Midnight Harry Potter was amazing. ‎"After all this time?" "Always." We grew up with these books; now let's grow old with them. The series will never truly be over; not for the people who believe.

7.11.11- I'm slowly but surely losing it. Losing everything that was my sanity. && quite frankly I have no reason as to why I've been so upset lately. There's no foundation for it. I've slumped back into a depression-like state that I hit every couple of moths. Usually it is because I'm handling dealing wit the emotions of the people around me: trying to lighten their emotional baggage while increasing me own. But this is not the case here. I have great friends, a great job, a wonderful thoughtful boyfriend, && a loving family. They all keep me from feeling this depression-like state, but when I am alone is when I feel this ache in my heart increase. To over-throw this feeling I get, I spent my time immersed in Jane Austen (audio, video, && reading) as well as my Harry Potter audiobooks. Well to be blunt, Harry Potter is perfectly numbing && Jane Austen (my favorite author in the entire world) keeps making me cry. I think the more I throw myself into a position where I don't spent many hours alone I can what's left of my sanity && maybe regain some of what I've lost. I want to end this summer with excitement && fond memories.

7.5.11- I've never been good with relationships (if needing more explanation into this see my previous weblogs. I've pretty much analyzed them down to an inch of their existence). I'm snarky && sarcastic to a fault, extremely glacée when it comes to having what most would qualify as the "average relationship", && jealousy is NOT an emotion I understand at all. All I know is that in my ideal relationship, it would be like this: the guy would be a guy who could challenge me in every way. I guy who could enjoy the arts (especially when it comes to cherishing good literature && theater) and sports. A guy who, if he had his way, would travel the world just to be immersed in as much culture he can find. A guy who would tease me about my weaknesses, but would mean it in more then just a joking manor. A guy who when I "forget" to text him or see him refuses to put up with my crap && would make me face it. Someone who would cherish talking just as much as the physical aspect as dating. A guy who would tell me when I'm wrong, but also be ok when I do the same to him. A guy who makes me go on surprise "adventures" even though I hate surprises because those nights are always the most memorable.  Who would be just as cute as the relationship my sister && her boyfriend have (just the perfect amount of play fights to cute random acts of love). A guy who'd never let our relationship become normal && boring. A guy who I can't be completely happy going a day without.


6.30.11- I know that I keep promising a update && yet no update has been produced... I'm sorry for that. I've been working every week Monday through Friday eight hours a day. I'm completely burnt out. I can barely stay awake long enough to write this. I get home only to read/listen to an audio-book && make dinner for me && my mother. Thursday is my favorite day because it means I get to have mother-daughter bonding time at yoga. It gives me complete relaxation after a long week && the strength to be able endure Fridays which are always like a circus since it's the last day of camp.

I'll try to update either tomorrow or this weekend. That's a promise.

6.26.11- I will update. Soon.

6.23.11- Wake up at six-thirty. Get dressed. Grab some coffee. Drive to work. Work till five. Cook dinner. Eat dinner. Clean the kitchen. Go to the grocery store (every three days). Clean my room. Take a shower. Get ready for bed. Sleep. Repeat every Monday thru Friday.
I am working every week that my work offers (which is seven weeks) Monday thru Friday (except for this week in which I am only working three days. Gotta love my "week off") at least for four hours (if not nine hours). But it doesn't bother me at all how much I work. I LOVE my job. I never leave work frowning. I leave exhausted, but never frowning. The kids I work with are just so happy to be there, they make me happy to be there too.
The one thing I don't like is my lack of social life. The hours I work make it impossible to hang out during the week. Then when I get off work my boyfriend starts so I haven't been able to even have a conversation with him in what is literally a week. I haven't seen him in two weeks. God when is that boy going to figure out I'm not worth all the trouble it is to date me? I've gotten to the point where I seriously wonder why he sticks around. I never have my phone when I'm not working && if I do have my phone I randomly will stop texting mid conversation for no reason && don't talk to people unless they text me first. I am a horrible girl to date.

6.18.11- What a night. I just love going to the theater. It was such a delight. My mother && I are patrons to a wonderful community theater in the next city over. Every time we walk through those theater doors, I relish every moment up until the curtain closes. For volunteer actors, you can tell they were all born to act. I can't wait until July when we get to see another performance.

On another note- I'm thinking of changing my website name. Maybe even the website I host on. I've been under the name oxoxBlondieGirlxoxo ever since I started blogging years ago. I'm still debating it && it's doubtful that I would make any rash decisions on the matter (leaving xanga is no joking matter to me), but it might be time for some closure && change.

6.15.11- There is a formspring box right below this. If you click on the link where it says "formspring - oxoxblondiexoxo" it will bring you to my formspring so you can see what others have asked me && maybe even ask a question yourself. I just love questions. :)

6.14.11- I just made a mini-update. I would fill it out more but I have work tomorrow, so I need sleep so I can work with my little ducklings. God I love them. All the counselors watch in amazement how I'm able to catch the kids attention && how they respond to me. I don't know how I do it, but wherever I am, there are usually at least three kids trailing behind me trying to get my attention. I have astounded my co-worker Alex. He's new this week && he spent the whole day asking me how is it possible that I work so well with kids then can quickly switch into adult mode when I need to work with the counselors or my boss. I love my job. :)

6.13.11- I love the questions ya'll are asking on the formspring box. Keep them coming! You can ask me anything from something about my site to my personal life. If the question gets too vulgar, I'll delete it but I'm one pretty tough chick so if you have negative feedback feel free to say it.

6.12.11- I just keep adding to the update I've already started instead of making a new one. All the new quotes are closer to the bottom. Enjoy!

6.11.11- I added more to my update. Enjoy

6.10.11- Been so busy with work. I love it. The kids are wonderful, they all give me hugs && of course the two trouble makers are always at my side. Haha. They are all so cute. I'm going to miss seeing the ones who are only going to a week of camp, it didn't feel long enough.
I began writing a full update, but then I got bored && started writing secrets about me. They are sneaked in between the quotes every so often. Hope you enjoy!

6.4.11- So sunburned. My back is about as red as a tomato. I went out on the lake all day with my friends yesterday. Now I'm exhausted, allergy-ridden && roasted. But we had so much fun anyway. So now sleep && relaxation is in order. I'll try to update once I get some sleep.

6.2.11- Been. So. Busy. I have been running non-stop since Friday && I won't stop until Saturday. I've celebrated my friend's birthday by going to a movie && dinner, celebrated my own birthday with family (twice), had lunch with my freshmen mentee (I love her!) along with my friends && their mentees', && went to an amusement park with my friends. Tonight I'm having a friend over to hang out then having a lake party to celebrate school being out. I'm exhausted, but in a good way. I have hung out with at least one of my friends almost everyday. Which is fabulous because come Monday I start work && I won't get to see them as much. 
Today was the amusement park. I went with three other friends which was perfect because four people fit on every ride perfectly. It was so much fun! I've never been a big fan of heights, so I used to be such a bore when it came to riding any ride that was fast or height. But I rode the fastest && tallest roller coaster with ease && rode it several times. 

5.30.11- I'm having a little trouble writing. I've never had problems writing in the past. Whenever I got my heart broken, quotes flowed out of me like water gushing through after the damn that had been holding it at bay has been blown to bits. But I don't know how to write when my heart's not broken. I guess when I figure out what state my heart's in, I'll figure out how to write. I don't like this conundrum. 

5.24.11- My head && my heart are pulling me into two completely different directions. My head wants me to stay on the same course I've always been on && don't diverge from the timeline I've set for myself of when to do what. Keep the timeline set at college. But my heart is telling me that it's ok to screw the timeline. It was made prior to any guy. So the whole timeline is based on facts instead of when the time i just right. && here I am, stuck between the war of head && heart. If they don't come to a consensus soon, I might completely lose it.

5.21.11- (12:00 am) I had taken allergy medication today/yesterday (the day just switched so it's a little complicated.), spent the whole day outside, then drank absolutely no water. Safe to say, I became dehydrated quickly. I was in the shower when I passed out. I only passed out for five seconds && luckily I maintained consciousness up until the moment I hit the ground. But passing out sure did scare the hell out of me. I was acting really strange before my passing out && my sister knew something was wrong. She's passed out from dehydration before && knew the signs: can't walk in a straight line, doesn't have full control of motor skills (my hands were shaking && I kept spilling water everywhere). When my sister had heard the crash && she began to interrogate me after leaving the bathroom until I told her I passed out (it was either tell her && I get the water && cereal I desperately needed or stand there arguing with her until I passed out again). Now I have my family on me about staying seated && drinking water until I am strong enough to stand for a long period of time. It's three hours since my little slip-up && I'm still extremely weak. This is going to be a long night && it really just started.
(3:30 pm)- Well I survived the night. I'm still on bed-rest but I'm much stronger now then I was even an hour ago. Which is a good sign. 

5.20.11- So today was just as bittersweet as they come. I woke up early to find our power in the house was out with absolutely no intention of it turning back on in ten mins. So my mother, my sister, my sister-through-friendship, && I all loaded in the car before the sun was up to go to head to my sister's boyfriend's house to get ready for graduation. With that crisis, or at least seemed like the biggest crisis to mankind in my sister's eyes, we got dressed && went on to graduation. People spoke, the class of 2011 went down one by  one to receive the diploma's they have been waiting to hold since freshman year. && I sat quietly in the stands, fanning myself periodically as I watched my sister, her two best friends (who I consider family members who have been there for since before high school), && my boyfriend being handed the diploma they all so deserve. After the ceremony, I immediately sought out my junior friends who had come to see graduation (my school is small, so almost every junior && several sophomores && freshman go to graduation for their friends in the senior class) && hugged them each a million && one times. Then I found my boyfriend, still decked out in his robes && gave him a hug as well. Then I went on an adventure through the masses of people to find my sister && her friends with both sides of my family (I think in all my years of childhood, I've never seen my family, both mom && dad along with their respective spouses in the same area && getting along for so many hours). I took pictures with all the graduates, my family, && friends, then left to eat lunch with my whole family. Twenty-five people, most of whom had either only said a few words to each other in the passing years all sat down to a wonderful lunch together. My family met my boyfriend's family && even seemed to enjoy my company. I felt as if the whole time I was being judged by my boyfriend's father, but I think I passed as a good person in his eyes. My siblings, well at least three of them met my boyfriend for the first time && seemed to approve. I kept my father far enough away from my boyfriend, not because I don't think my Dad will approve (well he might not like his choice in college since my Dad, as well as the rest of my family would set Auburn long before Alabama for football reason alone), but because I really didn't want to put my boyfriend through that. My Dad is... spun so tight that no one can get him to relax. After lunch, my sister, I, && our respective boyfriends went on the lake. Just for future notice, I hate tubing, but I will get on one anyway if people ask several times on repeat. Then we went home, found my sister on her bed making out with her boyfriend (in one word: awkward because they barely kiss in my presence), even though me && my boyfriend were doing the same thing in my room. Then my boyfriend went home, && I fell asleep.

5.16.11- I'm a little beyond depressed; I'm just refusing to show it. All the lifers at my school (people who by senior year will have spent 14 years at my school) are bouncing around, talking about their junior-kindergarden buddies. But somehow, despite the fact I will be a lifer, have been overlooked for this position. I'm so upset. This was one thing I have been looking forward to for such a long time. Ever since I found out that they started this program I have been patiently waiting for it to be my turn to be able to have a JrK-er to hang out && do activities with. I never in my life thought that people who I have been to school for so long for could have forgotten that I have been here at school for all these years alongside them. Now, I'm stuck for a whole year getting to listen about people's fun && exciting times with their buddy while I, a lifer, just get to listen. I don't want to make a big deal of it either, because that's simply not who I am. But being overlooked like that, to be passed over for people who have been at my school for less time then I have, that simply makes me upset.

5.15.11-102 days. Less than one-third of a year. This not including days we are both working or on vacation where we won't be able to see each other. Seven point five eight three-repeated. The amount of hours it takes to drive home from your college. Twenty-four. The amount of hours per day I'm going to miss seeing you/amount of time worried that you are going to meet someone else, someone better. I know we said tonight we're going to try to make it work, but to be honest, I'm scared that despite how much we want this summer && this relationship to last, I'm afraid it won't be enough.
 

5.13.11- I'm me, not a version of what someone else wants me to be. I'm free.

5.12.11- While driving home from working a school function, I put the windows down in my car because even at eight-thirty at night, the weather was perfect for driving with the windows down. While driving, I could just barely see the sunset on the horizon. && I did something I have not done in forever: I sang along to the radio not caring who heard. I know this sounds silly. But for me, this is huge. I hate singing in my car alone; it makes me feel like people are juding me. && this, this simple act showed my how blissfully happy I'm starting to be, being happy when there is no one there. I've been catching myself smiling to myself about little things when there is no one there. I'm now happy for no one else beside me. && it feels great.

5.11.11- Finished with APs until next fall! Yay. :)
Sometimes the things you want the most don't happen && what you least expect happens. I don't know - you meet thousands of people && none of them really touch you. && then you meet one person and your life is changed forever. 
[/Love && Other Drugs/]

5.10.11- Successfully only made it to two of my classes today. I conned my mother into calling the school to get me out because school has turned into pointless mush. Instead of doing anything productive, I went to my boyfriend's && watched movies. He, being a senior, has been done with school since Friday void of finals in which he is taking tomorrow. We have pretty much spent every other day together since we started dating if not a little more. Which is weird that I don't mind that, because I'm one of those people who loves space. But dating him makes me feel like I could see him everyday && not mind not having a ton of lone time. Plus, he'll be gone to college at the end of the summer && we're not far enough into or relationship to decide what we are going to do when that happens (eight hours is more long distance not adding to the fact he will be in the land of southern belles). So I guess knowing that we might be saying goodbye for good at the end of the summer makes me want to spend time with him now before him going to college pulls us apart.


5.08.11- I have never felt like I could lose control. I've always known where my line is && have drawn it very quickly when I felt like it needed to be drawn. The one time I didn't speak up on where my line is as quickly as I should of, I swore to myself I would always show the line quicker. But tonight, I said where my line was as fast as it needed to be said, maybe even earlier. && it was definitely was respected not only by me. The problem wasn't you knowing where the line is, the problem was me wondering why in the hell I have that line. Now I respected my line just like I said I would, but now I'm finding that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to that line. && that sucks. 


5.3.11- Oh, I might have kinda left out of the last response that me && this guy are now dating. :)

5.2.11- So the guy I like came over yesterday. We went to play put-put, then he came over to my house to play Wii, catch phrase with my family, && just hang out. Well I suck at put-put, but we had a good time. && of course my neighbors had to put in their input about us. After my family left my room after playing catch phrase, I finally got my kiss... Well actually several kisses. We couldn't make out long, because my sister && her boyfriend were bound to run into my room as soon as they returned home from the movie store. Boo. Oh well, I had a good time.


4.30.11- Yesterday was a lot of fun. My school hosts a party every spring to show off our art programs && a place for younger kids to run around && have fun. So most high schoolers usually avoid it until around six when the jazz band plays. But I am expected to play aunt every arts jam, so I'm always there for all of it. Most years I doing this running around either by myself or with one of my friends. But this year I had three of my friends to run around with us. They are all guys && I was surprised they wanted to put up with my niece, considering she is such a princess. We hung out until around five-thirty then I went to the guy I like's church (one of the guys who hung out with me all day) && we worked the coffee shop there. At the  end of the night we mainly just sat on the floor playing words with friends on my phone. When he went to drop me off he had the PERFECT chance to kiss me, but he didn't. Ugh. && you could tell we were both a little mad when he didn't because when he got home && started to text me, I found out we were both were texting our respective best friends. So, I'm hoping next time I see him, I get that kiss.


4.26.11- Skipping out of school today? Heck yes. Haha it sounds worse than it actually is. I had history drop with the guy I like (instead of study halls at my school we drop a class a day) which of course is always ends up as last class. Seniors (like him) are allowed to leave school at two if drop is last period && underclassmen (like me) are supposed to wait until three to leave. Instead of staying, we decided to hop into his car && leave. So we went to a Bojangles && hung out there for two && a half hours. && we just talked, laughed, && had a lot of fun. It was the first time we've ever done anything just the two of us. I had a great time. I'm just hoping he did too.


4.25.11- Hey everyone! I added a Formspring box to this, so if you have any questions, whether they are about my site or about me feel free to add them here. Any stupid or repulsive questions will not be answered, but I'll try && answer any questions ya'll have. :)

4.24.11- Happy Easter! Sorry for not updating today. Between going to church, running after two of my nieces, && keeping an eye on-babysitting my twenty-one year old neighbor who just had surgery. His parents are both out of state so only his brother && him are home. So I've been stepping in as caretaker while they are gone. Its exhausting.
But on another note- I found out some more interesting news about my ex's new girlfriend. She slept over at my neighbor's house last night. && I can promise you more went on than just a simple sleepover. Sucks for my ex, because there is no shot in HELL I'm going to give him another chance. I've finally moved on.
Speaking of moving on, I am just exuding happiness from this point. We are really clicking. The one thing I am worried about is spending time worrying the future. He'll be gone at the end of the summer && we both know it. I just don't want us to start anything then spend the whole summer worrying where we're going to end up. Instead I just want to enjoy the summer && worry about things as they come.

4.22.11- I am now the slightly unwilling recipient of an Alabama shirt that I have to wear on Tuesday. He made sure to bring the shirt I hate the most. This is a picture of the back of it: Good Boy Shirt. The dog is actually chewing on the Auburn emblem! I'm am not excited to have to wear it to school on Tuesday. But it smells really good. So I guess that makes up for it... Somewhat.

4.21.11- Today I found out that my ex's new girl is still in love with my neighbor (her ex) && they still hang out. Sucks for him, doesn't it?
Oh && on a happy note- the guy I like wasn't at school, but we still managed to talk all day. Safe to say I had a pretty good day. Now a four day weekend. :)

4.20.11- I had a pretty good day today. :)
I made a bet with the guy saying that if I lose the card game tomorrow I have wear a stupid Alabama shirt or sweatshirt tomorrow and Tuesday-Friday of next week. I have lost two games to him. I have a feeling I will be wearing Alabama gear. I think I should be madder about this fact. :)

Oh && I edited my tangent slightly. I didn't feel like I explained my prom date right. He is one of my best friends && I feel like I didn't say what I had to say about him correctly. I just don't date best friends. Not after what happened last time.

4.19.11- Just went on a full tangent. Feel free to read && give some advice.

4.7.11- So I had a massive update complete with my own quotes && right when I I'm about to post it, my computer deletes it && it is now gone forever. :(

4.6.11- I got a job! I'm going to spend four hours four times a week hanging out with kids and helping run a camp. I'm so excited!

4.1.11- Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I'm getting to it I promise. I've been busy trying to get my life straight. I've been pretty lucky. Usually when you shove people out of your life, even if was unintentional like mine, most people don't like it very much when you come back. But I've been lucky. The people I left were right where I've left them. Yes, they've changed, but they are pretty much the same people they were when I left. I'm very lucky that I have friends that still like having me around. Yesterday I spend an hour talking to my guy friend (&& prom date) :] then another hour joking with another friend on facebook. I've been lucky to have friends that have been so great with  helping me get back up on my feet.

3.28.11- I'm getting back onto my own two feet. Cleaning out the messes in my life physically && emotionally. I spent the whole long weekend cleaning out shelves && cabinets, talking to few outside my family. It really gave me time reflect on how to separate what I want && what I need. I need: People around me who make me smile, a clean room, good grades, to see my sister graduate, to get into college, && a summer job. I want: friends I can count on, a room in which I can not only do work but also have fun in, a four or five on the AP exams I'm taking, to know when my sister leaves I'm not going to die inside, to get into a forensic program while showing my mom why I love it, && a job that will keep me smiling all summer. [Well && a good summer romance couldn't hurt either.] :)

3.24.11- Is there anyway to change the url of your website, but still keep your website the same? I think I need a change. Where to everyone reading my name is just a name on a page. 

3.23.11- I hope you know I'll be there if you need me. I still keep my phone on high at night, waiting to talk you off of that ledge, stop you from hurting yourself if you need me to. && it will be that way for the rest of my life, no matter if it's a three hours from now or thirty years from now. No matter how much life come between us I need you to know that if you ever need me, I'll be right here waiting. && I never want to be the reason to make you feel pain or for you to create pain. I needed you to know that.

3.17.11- I am in Paris, a million miles away from you not think of how horrible a person I am to you when I am at home. I am enjoying life in one of the prettiest cities in the world. If you want to hate me && never talk to me again, that's your decision. I can't && won't stop you if thats what you need to be sane. Here in Paris, I have officially put this feud behind me because it's stupid in nature. I love you. I always have. && I don't want to hurt you. But this, this stupid feud, makes me not want to ever go back home. && the way Paris is making me feel right now, the feeling that I get when I walk down the street next to a high school && I can see guys standing there checking me out, the feeling I get when I am treated like an adult, this feeling makes me never want to leave this city.

3.16.11- In Paris! It's so beautiful here. If I wasn't heavily considering hopping a train to Brussels just so I can stay in Europe longer I am now.
It's a different world over here. At home, I'm just Remy. I get boyfriends, but not many. Guys usually pass me over. Here, I get checked out everywhere I go. I can actually hear the guys talking about me when I walk passed (they hear my tour guide speaking English to us && assume we don't understand any French. But I can pick up a good bit of what they say.)  && when I say guys, I don't mean just the run of the mill kind of guys. The guys are the kind that at home would pass me over in two seconds. HOT guys. It's so nice to be noticed.
At home, I'm just Remy to parents && adults in general. Nice, respectful Remy. But here, I am treated like a princess by adults. My Dad is considering bringing his conference to Paris for next year, which would bring in millions of dollars in revenue to Paris. So being his daughter is HUGE here. They put us up in the nicest hotel, in a private suite complete with a sitting room for me && my sister, a personal tour guide, private tours, && random free gifts. The hotel staff wait on us hand && foot to make sure we are happy. Here, I am not a child. Here I am an adult. An adult who is given Champagne when we go to dinner (I don't usually drink, but here I do drink a glass of champagne when they give it to me), which even here is illegal for them to serve it to me && my sister but they do anyways because of who my father is (the drinking age is 18. I am almost 17 && my sister is almost 18). We go to the nicest restaurants && eat for free. Like last night we went to Moulin Rouge && ate more than a 100€ dinner each for free along with Moulin Rouge champagne which is a little over 200€ per bottle. We even sat down with the CEO of Moulin Rouge before the show just to meet him && drink champagne. Let me be clear, I only drank one little glass. But being an adult for once is pretty nice. I feel like a celebrity here. The last thing I want to do is leave.

3.12.11- Just waiting... Waiting for you to forgive me.
Two new self-made quotes below.
I'm off to Paris tomorrow. I will probably not be able to update until I get back which won't be until next week. Well, if I have it my way, I going to hop a train to Brussels where I was born && never come back. There is really nothing here besides my family tying me to this country right now. The rest of my life... the rest of my life is a mess.

3.11.11- I got asked to prom. Yesterday was Cougar day (A surprise day for the high school where all classes are canceled. Instead we have competitions && hang out all day) && two of my good guy friends && I spent some down time right before school ended playing an intense card game. While I was sorting the cards, one of them asked me if I had a prom date. When I replied no, he asked me to go to prom with him. :)
We get along really well. I talk to him a lot throughout the day && we have a lot in common. We both love to travel && learning about new cultures. He is not the most handsome of all guys, but I do not care. I just want someone to take pictures with && someone I can be myself with.
The only thing I was slightly disappointed about yesterday was that I got asked to prom in such a simple way. At my school, people like to be flashy about asking people to prom. Flowers, scavenger hunts, posters, etc. I'm a romantic && I was hoping to have a story.
Today I got to school && before the bell rang for advisory I was talking to one of my friends. All of a sudden the guy who asked me to prom is there with flowers. && not just flowers, but the PRETTIEST flowers I have ever received. I'm a sucker for flowers. It made my day just that much better. :)

3.4.11- ♫ Hold on, baby, you're losing it.
The water's high, you're jumping into it.
&& letting go... && no one knows.
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone.
That you might not be the golden one.
&& you're tied together with a smile.
But you're coming undone. ♫

3.3.11- I've been trying so hard not to think about him. && I'm just waiting for it to get easier. But today my friends && I were playing cards && someone (I don't know who) walked by wearing the same cologne he wore when he hid my phone && I snuggled up to him to get it back. It was so distracting I lost the game. By 20 points. When will it get easier?

3.1.11- I'm trying to clear him from my mind. To act like he doesn't exist. He doesn't go to my school, so it's not like I have to face him everyday. It should be easy right? But every time I clear him from my mind, the littlest thing will bring him right back into my head. A song. A phrase. A smell. It sucks.

2.28.11- I know I've been slacking on my updates. I've been so busy with everything. These days I've been focused on being a student ambassador, a club president, a workout buddy for my mom, a dancer in my school's promenade, && a good student, all while trying to keep up with a social life. It's exhausting. I rarely have time to even clean my room (which will be tonight's dilemma along with studying Precalculus, if you wanted to know). But I'm trying the best I can, so I hope you are enjoying the little I can do.
Boy Update: Well in short, there really is none. I am currently single (grudgingly) && the guy I like is again gone like a puff of smoke. Everyone was right, he wasn't going to stay. My best friend (knowing that she was upset, which means this was said out of anger over the guy she liked) told me that at least the guy she liked was a good guy && wasn't there to play games. But despite everything, I don't think the guy I like was there to screw me over. I just think he got bored && didn't have the guts to say goodbye.
But this leads to another dilemma: Prom. I have find a date really soon. I think that I'm going to go with a senior in my Law && Legal class. He's really nice && I've been friends with him since the start of the year. Well I guess we'll see.

2.19.11- So I decided to do one of those 30-day say something about your personal life. But in all honesty, with all thats going on in my life, there was no way I could post something once a day every day for the next thirty days. I'm pressing my self to get out a new post once a week. But to be fair, I went back to the thirty day post && saw that most of the question were either repeating talking about people or asking the same thing. So I went && combined all the similar ones. So now I am taking a fifteen day one with very in-depth questions. Like the one for tomorrow answers pretty much everything that is bugging me about my life. So as my readers this is what this means to you: you will get fifteen straight days of posting guaranteed to you starting today. I hope you like it. :)

2.17.11- I hope everyone had a good Valentine's Day. I had a post all ready for Valentine's Day && of course my computer decided to break down && erase it. :( BLAH. It made me so angry.  Oh well, can't change it now.
I am currently getting off stress mode: I had a research paper due today with little time to write it. For the past two weeks I've done little but spend my time highlighting court cases about the insanity defense. I have been working my ass off, because I wanted to hang out with my guy last night (well my guy probably isn't the best way to explain it considering the only ties we have to each other is being ex-es && both spending time with my neighbors).
But I had a good time spending time with him. We went to his && my neighbors' hockey game && stayed out until 12 because of it. (P.S- I'm amazed I was allowed to go. I got a game today && my parents are strict with my curfew.) We watched a couple of hockey games together, then they went out to play while me && Kevin's, my neighbor, "girl" watched the game together && talked. For those of you who have no idea who Kevin is, I'll give you the lowdown. Kevin is my CREEPY next door neighbor. I only hang out with him when I'm going over to see Trav, Reese, (his brothers) or one of their friends. I never like any of the girls he dates because they are complete dip-shits. But Jamie, the girl who was at the game tonight, I actually liked. She was completely real && we had a lot in common. She just got cheated on by her ex && Kev is her rebound. She thinks he's nice, but will never date him because of the way he acts. Sometimes (or the majority of times), Kev acts like he's four when he is really 20.
Jamie knows this && will never date him because of it. But she is nice && I hope she sticks around just as a friend of my neighbors because she's nice.
Well I'm getting off track... Who I really want to talk about is not Jamie, but the guy I like. When I first got to see him, he didn't say a WORD to me. Awkward. Really awkward. && since he didn't want to talk to me, I did what I always do... Talk to the neighbors. I'm close with Trav && his friend Brandon is always nice to me && they were both there. So it made since to talk to people who would talk back. So the whole ride there was me laughing at the stupidity of Trav && Brandon while the guy I like drove, all in a car that smelled like gross hockey gear... So romantic. Haha. When we got to the rink it got better. We didn't talk as much as everyone else was, but that didn't bother me. Kev was bugging us about dating no surprise. But one thing good came out of that. When Kev was bugging me about it, Brent (the guy I like) came up behind me && put his arms around my waist && just held me. See, I'm a huge romantic && I know he's not, so for him to do that made it so much better. Well then he went && played hockey && once they finished we got back in the car.
Instead of driving, Brent decided to give the keys to Trav && we sat in the back together. So we were sitting in the back && he turn back into his normal awkward self. He went && held my hand but kept fiddling with his phone. Then Trav decided he really wanted to listen to country music. Brent literally cannot stand country music, so he was flipping out at Trav. So I went && put my other arm around Brent && snuggled into him. He shut up pretty quick. After we dropped Brandon off, Trav drove us to our neighborhood. Even though the whole day was completely unconventional, it was a great end to the day. :)

2.10.11- Well my life is pretty much a roller coaster right now. I really don't know what to do right now. I guess I should explain why I am acting so strange. So last night I got  home from my basketball game around 9:30. I begin to do the automatic things I always do when I get home from a game. Change into my sweats, get out of my cheer uniform, etc. While I was going through this, my phone rings. I's my neighbor Kevin... Joy. When I answer, I can tell he is not the one standing next to the phone. There is another voice listening to me saying I can't come over  right now. A voice that makes me pull on a jacket && shoes, a voice that gets me to beg my parents to let me out of the house for awhile even though it is a school night, a voice that I didn't expect to hear again. A voice that I thought had walked out of my life a week ago.
When I walked over, it was like nothing has change since we last saw each other. The only thing that was different was that he had thought that I had been the one who had left. We ended up acting more like a couple than we ever had. He teased me in the cutest of ways && even hid my phone so that i wouldn't pay attention to it instead of him. I'm still not sure if he is going to stick around, but if we have more nights like that, I'd really like him to stick around. :) 

2.7.11- It's Monday &&  my week is already looking gray. I have two basketball games I have to cheer for && my sister's boyfriends game I gotta go to on Tuesday (which the two games I have to cheer for wouldn't be so bad if our team could shoot. It's literally torture; when I watch the games I want to pull my eyes out of their sockets that's how bad it is). So far I have something going on until at least 9:30 every night this week except today && Thursday. This is going to be a long week. I'll try && update when I can. 
I wrote some more quotes && put them under the self written update && under my quotes. I'll try && write more when I can.

2.6.11- I got hurt. Again. I should be surprised; I've been waiting for this since the day he first messaged me. We're not meant to be together I guess. We done this not once, not twice, but three times. I can only play the fool so many times. We won't ever be anything other than a grand disaster.
I spent the week working on a single update. I hope you like it. I also went && added an update of my favorite self written quotes. If you use them, please keep the tag on them. Thanks! 


1.26.11- I just got into a fight with one of my best friends. The last thing I want is a fight right now. I wrote her a response to her letter on here. I doubt she'll read it. I just need my head to be clear when I talk to her tomorrow. I don't want to fight, but she is really mad at me. She keeps yelling/bitterly talking at me via text, but I keep responding that we need to talk about this in person. She deserves to hear an apology not over a phone or web, because once I apologize once, I don't apologize again just because they want to hear it a hundred times. I only apologize again if there is something new to apologize for. I hope this all works out. I wouldn't be able to handle life if I lost her. 

1.23.11- Well I went on a date yesterday night. We went out to eat, got a movie, then hung out at my house. He re-met my parents will a smile, dealt with my sister && her boyfriend well, && put up with my neighbors jokes. There was only one problem: he was nervous. Which of course in turn made me nervous. He kept nervously playing with his phone. && he also waited to kiss me till he was two seconds away from leaving. He practically kissed me then ran away. Which is kinda unfortunate, because I didn't the kiss to end that quickly... or at all. But I really like him. && for some unknown reason, I think he likes me back. There is just one problem: the nervousness. It keeps us from from even texting each other too much. I think we keep waiting for the ball to drop, for one of us to call it quits at any moment. Its happened to us two other times before && I don't think we can get over that fact. But I hope we do. I like him despite are past failures we've had. I really do.

1.19.11- I know I have been strange for the past couple weeks... I have never been the one to post personal blogs that have no quotes && with me just straight complaining about life. This couple of weeks for me have been weird. I'm currently talking to my ex && I have been getting a lot of crap for it. Not because people dislike him or anything, but because only this past summer he hurt me... a lot. I went into melt down mode when it happened. Kicker: On my birthday, not but a week or two after he decided that we needed to "take some time off for finals", I found out he was dating someone else. My friends saw the result of that- a girl who in general hated guys. I was in Florida, on a beach with hundred of cute guys that I wanted nothing to do with! Well I got better && now even though I have forgiven him my friends are still iffy. I understand why. But now I'm become cynical myself, which is so unlike me! I spend half my time thinking it will be different, that we will work out && the other half thinking he is just playing with me until someone else comes along. I have even refused to make plans with him about my school's dance (which is happening next Sat) because I'm afraid that we won't make it that far. && yet again I'm ranting! I'm so sorry.

1.1.11- Happy New Year!

12.30.10- I finally got the time to update the boy/girl conversation quotes. Feel free to take a look!

12.25.10-Merry Christmas!

12.18.10-Happy Holidays! I finally decided to clear out my updates box && start anew for a change. If you want to hear my funny ramblings, they are still on the site, they are just back a few pages.

I made my holiday layout! Yay! Hope you like it :) 

200.
I laugh at stupid movies
&& I'm as stubborn as a stone.
I think I'm funny when I'm not,
I only cry when I'm alone.
I don't know what you want
Or what you think about me.
But when we are together
My heart always skips a beat.
Maybe you don't notice,
But I think we're meant to be.

199.
You know how to break down;
You do that every day.
But when it comes getting up,
You never cared to learn the way.

198.
If you want to gain my heart,
Show me that it's worth losing.
197.
Don't promise me the moon
Or the stars; they are
Promises too big to keep.
Just promise you'll lie
Under them holding me.

196.
When time is flying by far too fast,
How are we to make it last?

195.
Always be careful who you fall for.
Fall for a guy who isn't there to catch you,
You will end up broken && bruised
With no way of going back to the
Person you were before.

194.
My belief in happily ever afters
Is the only thing that gives
Me hope about the future.

193.
It's that sinking feeling in your gut
When you don't know if the person
You care about feels the same way.
The feeling that everything is temporary.
The feeling that true love is only
Real in fairy tales && cheesy books we read.
The feeling that everyone you care
About is going to leave you.

192.
Some things aren't supposed to last a lifetime.
Some things are only supposed to last
A year, a summer, a month, or a moment.
But the memories made are
Always worth it in the end.

191.
While many don't say the words
They want to, I write mine down.
It's my way of speaking the words
Many keep locked in their hearts
That way they know they are not alone
In this crazy world we call home.

190.
I don't get how I can let you in
When many who've know me
Longer are still waiting at the gate.

189.
I have a heart of glass.
I'm scared it might get smashed.
But when you are in love,
You have to take a chance.

188.
Currently my head is a horrible place to be.
&& you don't want to ask about
The conditions of my heart.

187.
Take a second. Breathe.
Focus on what you want,
Not what you can’t have.
Forget all the shit you are going through.
Remember that you are in a public place.
Paste on the smile everyone expects.
Laugh && joke with them.
If they start to look at you, trying to find a flaw in
The mask you’ve created, don’t let them find one.
Remember who you are supposed to be.
Remember how you are supposed to act.
If you are feeling weak in a public area, you are weak. Never show weakness, only strength.
If life gets hard, detract to a world all your own.
Don’t let what you're really feeling show.
Because if you even get the smallest crack
In the walls you’ve created around who
You really are && what you are really dealing with, They will see you for what you really are: weak.
So take a second. Breathe.
Focus on what you want,
Not what you can’t have.

186.
Tell Me You Love Me
Darling won’t you please?
Tell me you love me.
I hate that we don’t speak.
Tell me you love me.
Will you forgive me please?
Tell me you love me.
I want you to be here with me.
Tell me you love me.
Will you ever come back to me?
Tell me you love me.
I miss you more than you know.
Tell me you love me.
Do you still believe in me?
Tell me you love me.
You mean so much to me.

185.
If you decide you want me back,
I'll be there for you.
Just waiting for the day
You see how much
You mean to me.

184.
What are you going to do
Now that I am gone?
What will you do?
When there is no one
To fall back on?
Will you finally see
What you lost when
You turned your back on me? 

183.
One of the hardest things to do is
Look at the person,
Remember all they did to you,
All the heartbreak you endured
Because of them,
&& still love them anyways.

182.
I love school.
Being out with people keeps
My mind off you.

181.
I tried to tell you how I feel
But my words didn’t make sense.
If I told you I miss you,
I think you could care less.

180.
She knew he was going to leave.
But that didn't stop her heart from
Doing back flips at the sight of him.

179.
You let him get to you.
You know it’s true.
He’ll always be that guy
Who’s too good to be true.

178.
You say that you miss me;
That you have changed.
But how can I trust
That this isn't a game?

177.
I can’t keep doing this,
I can’t keep running after you.
I can’t keep going to the moon and back for you,
When you won’t give me even a smile in return. 
I tried to tell you how I feel
But my words didn't make sense.
If I told you I miss you,
I think you could care less.

176.
We act like a couple,
You know it’s true.
How can’t you tell
I’m crazy about you?

175.
When I walk next to him,
I want to hold his hand.
When he looks at me,
I want him to kiss me.
When will he get the hint:
I want to be more than
Just friends

174.
If you care about me, tell me.
Don’t make me analyze every word you say
If it’s not meant to be.

173.
When I see you, my heart stops.
When I talk to you,
My stomach fills with butterflies.
You mean the world to me…
Now only if I could tell you.

172.
I don’t know what to do,
It’s not easy telling
How I feel about you.

171.
You make me happy;
It’s as simple as that.
I want to be yours;
You made my heart fall fast.

170.
You’re everything.
You’re smart, cute,
&& can always make me smile.
We can argue together,
But we also laugh together.
To me, you’re perfect…
One problem: You’re hers, not mine.

169.
No poet can describe how I feel
When I’m kissing you.

168.
He broke my heart,
He messed with my dreams.
I hope he’s happy with her,
Because he’s not coming back
To me.

167.
Play your games && have your fun,
Just don’t expect me to be here
When you’re done.

166.
One day someone will come into your life
&& change you forever.
They will replace sadness
With happiness && hate with love. 
From that day on, you’ll never be the same.

165.
I'm moving on.
I'm not letting one silly boy
Come between me && my summer.

164.
Tell me the truth:
Was I ever more than
a summer romance to you? 

163.
I'm sick of all the games.
I'm sick of all the mixed signals.
I'm sick of all the hurt.
But most of all,
I'm sick of the way I keep letting him
Back into my life.

162.
I hope she breaks your heart.
I hope she breaks it into a million pieces
like you did to me.
I hope she delivers the same sharp
"I don't love you" that you said to me.
But more than all of that,
I hope she stays with you
&& makes you as happy as
you made me.

161.
One of the hardest parts about
Falling out of love is watching other people falling in.
It's feels like thier lives are falling into placeWhile your life is falling apart.

160.

When I try to explain my feelings for you,

The words never come out right.

All I know is to me,

You mean more than all the stars in the sky.

 

159.

She might not show her emotions,
But she does have them.

&& even though she smiled as you walk away,

Her world was falling apart.

 

158.

He's different, he just doesn't know it yet.

When he smiles, its contagious.

The way he makes me feel is so outrageous.

157.
I'm an open book,
With very little left unsaid.

So when I said I love you,
I meant with no end.

156.

She runs away.

It’s what she’s always done.

It keeps her from getting hurt

&& getting disappointed by love.

No one can break her heart that way,

So no one can hurt her like he did.

 

155.

The days && weeks have become a blur.

I can’t think straight without you here.

 

154.

I want to go back to the ways we used to be.

The days when I knew you’d want to talk to me

&& said sweet dreams every night.

The nights I knew you truly loved me.

 

153.

I'm moving on,

But I will never forget you.

You have become so apart of my life,

&& I can never thank you enough for

All the happiness you brought to my life.

You’ll be the summer I would never dare forget.

 

152.

You used to be as predictable

As an afternoon shower.

But now, I’m stuck waiting for you

To take me out of this drought.

 

151.

I hope one day you take out your phone

&& see all the texts we sent each other.

I hope that then you see how

Absolutely crazy I was about you

 

150.

He came into her life like a shooting star.

With love that was so beautiful && so wonderful.

But as quick as he came into her life, he left,

&& he left her out of breath && blind.

 

149.
You didn't just break my heart,
You tore it to shreds.
I don't know how you expect

Me to be able to ever love again.

  

148
I can't help but miss you.
You have become so
Ingrained in my life
I can't just forget
Every memory of you
The way you forgot me

  

147.
I just want someone to hold me.
Just hold me tight in their arms.
&& tell me that everythig is going
To be alright

  

146.
If my heart was a door, where would it lead?
To the one I want or the one I need?

  

145.
You sit at home wanting someone to see you,
When the one who does is waiting for you to notice

  

144.
Your heart may not be made of actual gold,
But the one you give it to should treat it with value

  

143.
They see each other for the first time in years.
&& though the words they say don’t show it,
There is more going on between them then
The weather

  

142.
I hope when you figure it all out,
I’m one of those things you want to keep.

  

141.
I have never wanted you half-way,
I want you forever, or I don’t want to stay

  

140.
I wanted you. Clean && simple.
But I know better than to wait for the impossible

  

139.
She lies in bed with tears in her eyes,
Wondering when their love turned into a lie

  

138.
After two years,
His name still hits her
Like a jagged knife.
&& leaves a mark on
Her heart only his love can heal

  

137.
The duties of the mind cannot
Comfort the heart on a cold winter night

  

136.
When I gave you my heart,
At first, you held it tight.
Then you broke it
&& fled the scene of the crime.

  

135.
Our hearts are beating to
The same mixed tape
I want to be free,
But I can’t escape

  

134.
You’ve hook me by the heart
&& dragged me through hell
But when you look at me,
I could never say farewell

  

133.
I’m not going to sit here
&& wait for you like I used to.
I’m going to keep moving
&& if you decide you want me in your life,
You better run to catch up.

  

132.
I don’t want to have to let you go.
You are my sunshine,
&& I’m sick being out in the rain.

  

131.
You took my heart
&& tore it apart.
I don't know what to do
I can't get over you

 

130.

Sometimes the most perfect moments

Can happen at the most

Imperfect of times

  

129.

Kiss me one more time

So I can remember what it’s like

To feel alive

  

128.

People say

“Don’t waste your time looking for love.”
But I think wasting time on love is

The worthiest thing to waste time on

 

127.

Every once in awhile,

I accidentally run into you,

Even though we live miles apart.

It's like fate's sick way of teasing me

About the one thing I can't have

  

126.

She wants him now,

Not tomorrow, or in a week. But now.

&& if he doesn’t want her now

She not going to wait for him

 

125.

What do you do when your heart is breaking?

What do your life is shaking?

What do you when you can't go back?

What do you do when your life's like that?

  

124.

This is a story of a girl

&& the boy who made her

His world

 

123.

All she wants is for him to come running back,

Kiss her && promise to never

Leave her side

 

122.

I still care

(I'm just done with showing it)

 

121.

Whenever life changes or nothings going right,

She keeps a book by her side.

Because no matter how many things change,

Her books never will

 

120.
Life doesn't ask you what's
The best day for your life to
Turn upside down.
Life doesn't give you a day's notice
Before a big changes happens.
Life just changes. && you have to too.

 

119.
She doesn't really know him at all.
They're not friends or even close acquaintances.
But one look into his eyes, &&
She knew she was in love

 

118.
They were young && in love
Now they're just alone && confused

 

117.

She wants their happily ever after.

But he’s not her Prince Charming

 

 

 

 

116.

Sometimes it hurts to walk away
To give up something that means so much
But sometimes walking away is what
You have to do to get back to
The happiest you used to have

 

115.

All it takes is a quiet sound,

A single photograph or a word.

All it takes is something so small

To unlock all the memories

You swore to forget

 

114.

She's a hopeless romantic.
Who looses herself in the books
In which the girl gets the guy
No matter how long
They've been apart.
The girl who falls into the
Fantasies that rarely come true

 

113.

What do you do when your heart is breaking?
What do you do when your whole life's shaking?
What do you do when you can't turn back?
What do you do when your life's like that?

 

112.

This is goodbye
Not a simple see you later.
Not because I don't love you
But because you have your life
All set out in front of you
&& I can't fit in the small space
You're giving me

 

111.

When she saw you today,
She was lost in a sea of emotion.
She didn't know if she should run up && kiss you
Or walk by without noticing you're alive

 

110.

She used to being dumped.
She can handle that.
But the way you lead her on
&& let her tag along,
That's one thing she can't handle

 

109.

I will never know what would

have happened if I stayed.

&& we have gone our

separate ways for too long

to pick up where we left off.

We're different people than

we were that summer

But despite all of that,

I still wonder what could have been,

What should have been.

  

108.

I have been sitting here

waiting for you for so long

Because I'm scared if

I tried to get up && move on,

I wouldn't know how

  

107.
They didn't have a fight.

They didn't scream at each other till

Thier lungs gave out.

They just walk away

With so many words left unsaid.
 

106.

Everyone has that day.

The day you replay over && over

When the world's not going right.

I just wish that one day for you

Is the day we met

 

105.

I have let you break my heart

one too many times.

But now I'm too strong to

give up && cry

 

104.

When she picks up her pencil to write,

Her seemingly unbreakable walls

Around her heart shows their cracks.

&& the girl who looks unstoppable

Becomes the broken girl who still can't

Get over that one guy

  

103.

When he looked into her eyes,

He could see all the times

She said"I love you"

&& when she looked into his

All she could see is the one time

He said "I don't"

  

102.

Half of her heart wants to

Put him behind her.

The other half still hopes

That he'll come running back,

Like Prince Charming did for Cinderella

  

101.

Every time he stares into her eyes

She wonders if he sees the girl

She's always been or the girl

He's always wanted her to be

 

100.

She is like a magnet

Half of her

wants to repel him.

&& the other half

Wants to pull him closer

 

99.

I have amazing friends

I have great grades

&& I have a wonderful family.

I’m only missing one thing

You

  

98.

It might not have been perfect

But it made me happy,

Truly && completely happy.

I just want to feel like that again

 

97.

I want to go back to the days

Where you held me around the waist

&& kissed me on the forehead,

No matter who was watching.

I want to go back to the days

When you texted me every day

To make sure I knew you missed me

Or how much you cared.

I want to go back to those days

  

96.

I’m done with the hurt,

I’m done with the pain,

But every time you look at me

It drives me insane

  

95.

She tells her friends she doesn’t even

Remember why she liked him,

But she actually just doesn’t want

To let herself fall all over again

 

94.

I loved how you kissed me because

I wore your favorite shirt or how

You called me to tell me

Good morning

 

93.

The way you say my name

Puts me in a daze.

The way you make me feel

Is enough to drive me insane.

 

92.

I’m done with your halfhearted apologies

Either you make me believe you love me

Or you let me go.

 91.

If I could go back to when we dated,

I’d see every “I love you”

You told me was a lie

 

90.

I try to impress everyone.

Around my dad I am the

Quiet, caring daughter,

Who would never talk back.

When I am with my friends

I am the brave outgoing one.

But I have figured out how to

Impress the most important person

In my life:

Me

 

89.

Every day somebody

Gets their heart broken

Every day somebody

Feels the pain of the words

“I don’t love you”

But when it happens to you,

It feels like the world is about

To end

 

88.

He broke my heart,

Into a million tiny sharp pieces.

He broke my heart,

The way a heart should

Never be broken,

But even after all of that,

I would give anything to

Call him mine again

 

87.

Even though I miss him,

I hope we never meet again.

Because I have idealized him,

Made him perfect in my memory

&& I’m afraid if I saw him again

He would be as perfect

As I remember him

 

86.

To everyone is just a normal guy

Who is quiet && slightly awkward.

But to her, he is amazing,

The hottest guy she has ever seen.

The guy who is quiet only when

He’s around people he doesn’t know.

But around her is witty && charming.

The guy who she has completely

Fallen for.

 

85.

She is done with his old clichés

She need someone who

Is as original as her.

 

84.

She hides behind the castles walls.

Protecting her heart from breaking.

Hoping her prince will save her

From the loneliness.

 

83.

She builds up walls:

That way a silly boy can’t break her heart.

But hiding behind walls also keeps out

The only boy who won’t

 

82.

 

 

First loves are always the hardest to get over

Because the heart has trouble closing itself off

From what made it open in the first place

 

81.

She dreams that he’ll come after her

Like Romeo did for Juliet

 

80.

I used to think you were my sun.

&& when you left I remembered something:

If you stay in the sun, you’ll get burned

 

79.

It takes more strength to let go then hold on

Because when you let go,

You have to accept

That they are never coming back

 

78.

All the stars in the sky yield in comparison

To the beauty in your eyes

 

77.

He gives her the first grade butterflies

&& the before test jitters with one glance

 

76.

It seems like when I’m the happiest

I hear a voice, a laugh, a song on the radio,

&& it reminds me of how much

I still miss you

 

75.

What do you do if your Prince Charming

Wants a different damsel in distress

 

74.

One of the hardest things in the world

Is to watch your best friend

make the same mistakes

You’ve made && not being able to stop her

 

73.

Some nights I sit

&& think about how much I miss you,

Then he texts me && I remember how

He was there to pick up the pieces

You broke in the first place

 

72.

She tells herself that she wants to

See him one last time so she can say goodbye.

But she knows that if she saw him again,

The last thing she’d want to do

Is say goodbye

 

71.

You might not want her back now,

But you will eventually.

She was perfect for you,

The soul mate of your existence

&& you threw her out with the trash.

One day, you gonna miss her,

But she won’t be coming back

 

70.

She is loud, crazy, && stubborn.

But when he looks at her, she is perfect.

He sees his whole existence in her gaze.

 

69.

She is quiet to the world

Then loud && crazy with her friend

She laughs too loud at jokes

&& is constantly tripping

But to him, her obscurities make

Her even more beautiful

 

68.

It’s been months,

but when she ran into him today

She felt the jitters, the shortness of breath,

&& the love she spent so much time

Trying to forget

 

67.

I’m not asking for a storybook romance

Just someone to hold my hand

&& never leave my side

 

68.

She tells herself it’s too comfortable with him.

But secretly she wonders if that’s because

There’s no mystery like there was with you

 

69.

Love;

It’s the ride of your life

The kind that even in 100 years

You’ll never be able to forget

 

70.

Comfortable...

How much I hate that word.

It puts your life into a box

&& once your in the box,

It’s almost impossible to get out

 

71.

Her life has always been a rollercoaster,

She never stayed in the same place for long.

&& now she’s with him

&& her life is now constant.

But she never tells anyone she misses he life before.

 

66.

The days I spent with you weren’t perfect

But they are the closest

I’ve ever gotten to it.

 

65.

Loss is one of the most important feelings

A person could have

Without it, we wouldn’t know

How important somebody is to us

 

64.

She didn’t want to admit it

But she loved him more than she should have

 

63.

He had me hooked on his lie of forever

It just took me awhile to see

I deserved better

 

62.

I understood why you left, I really do.

It was an impossible,

Doomed to failure relationship from the start.

But we’re both back here,

A year later, still trying to make it work.

 

61.

He’s the boy that

Makes me feel every cliché in the book

The one who you think about

While reading this quote.

 

60.

It’s crazy, no matter what you say,

No matter what you do,

I will always come back to you

 

59.

I’m going to set the bar high,

I can do so much better than him this time

 

58.

I always run away from him

Hoping that one day he’ll try to catch me

 

57.

She didn’t fall for him for his hot body

Or his amazing smile;

There was something is his words

That made her fall harder

Than she ever had before

 

56.

I haven’t seen him in months

I haven’t heard from him in months

But as soon as his name pops up on my chat list

my heart still skips a beat

 

55.

I sit staring at his name on my chat list,

Only wishing that he is doing the same to my name

 

 

54.

My biggest fear in the world

Is never finding someone

Who loves me the same way

He loved me

 

53.

He’s there all the time,

While you were there only a month.

But he will never love me as much

As I loved you.

 

52.

He is a prep, she is a punk.

He listens to rap, she listens to rock.

He is quiet, she is everything but.

They are so different,

But they way they fell for each other

In the blink of an eye

 

51.
He was always been a player,
But it took her awhile to figure out
She deserved better

 

50.
Her ipod is full of the
Heartbreaking lyrics she wishes
She could say to him

 

49.
I want to give him my heart,
But you never gave it back

 

48.
She wished on a star every night,
But she never got what she wanted,
You

 

47.
She's done with the
Should-have beens,
Could-have beens.
She is finally ready to move on

 

46.
She could get on with life without him,
But a life without him as her love isn't
A very good life at all

 

45.
She could have almost every guy
In the blink of an eye,
But she fell for the one
She couldn't catch

 

44.
I'm not afraid to try again.
I'm just afraid of falling
For the same trick twice

 

43.
She can't give up the storybook ending,
Because it ends with her finally getting
Him

 

42.
She sits quietly waiting for 11:11,
Just so she can wish to see him smile
One last time

 

41.
No matter how hard she tries,
she can't forget how she felt when
They slow danced under the stars
&& he told her how he felt about her

 

40.
I hadn't seen him in awhile,
&& I thought nothing he could do
Could make me fall for him again...
&& then he smiled

 

39.
He's like the sweetest sin,
Close enough to fall for,
But too far away to catch you

 

38.
I hate indirect messages
Either you tell me you love me
&& mean it, or you walk away

 

37.
It hurts her to know that even though
She will remember everything he said,
He won't remember her name

 

36.
She sits in her bed with his shirt on
Wishing she could go back to the summer
When she lied in his arms

 

35.
Our relationship is falling apart,
But that doesn't hurt as much as
Knowing you don't care enough
To put it back together

 

34.
She sits in her room
Watching the same old video
Trying to memorize
The sound of his voice

 

33.
In his arms
He's a chapter in her book
She just can't finish
&& let go of

 

32.
She can't figure out what she wants.
She loves the freedom of being single,
But she'd give anything to be back

In his arms

 

31.
No matter how hard she tries,
She can't forget how she felt
When they  slow danced under the stars
&& he said how he felt about her

 

30.
People always ask why she loves him
Honestly she doesn't know, but there's
Something in his eyes that keep her
Hanging on

 

29.
She wishes he would look at her
Like he did when they first met

 

28.
He's constantly playing her
But she can't help but
Fall for him every time

 

27.
I wish I had the guts to say
all that I wrote down
in these quotes to your face.
Because then you might see
how much you truly mean to me

 

26.
They are dating other people.
But when they see each other,
They fall all over again

 

25.
She loves to sing country in the rain,
&& he’s strictly rock.
She’s always bubbly,
&& he is quiet in a crowd.
She’s constantly reading,
While he won’t touch a book.
They're complete opposites,
But when they’re together,
It’s magic

 

24.
I have stopped looking for guys to date.
I’ve got you && that’s all I have
Ever needed

 

23.
He always shows up at the wrong times,
But no matter what,
She’d drop everything to be back
In his arms

 

22.
She’s a hopeless romantic,
Looking for love in all the wrong places.
&& he is just waiting for her to see
That he’s the one for her

 

21.
Why is it that she wants the
Never-going-to-work,
Heart brake filled,
Emotion-filled relationship
When there is a boy who is
Always there for her right now

 

20.
I’m scared to tell him he has my heart
In fear that he’ll throw it away

 

19.
The hardest choice to make
Is to choose between
The one you love
&& the one who loves you

 

18.
Summer is almost here
&& so much has changed
We aren’t the same people
We were last summer
So why is it I still want to be
In your arms

 

17.
He promised we’d keep in touch
I guess it was one more promise
He didn’t intend on keeping

 

16.
Every time I get a text message,
I secretly hope it’s from you
Even after all this time

 

15.
Boy meets Girl
Girl falls for Boy
Boy breaks Girl’s heart
One year later,
Boy talks to Girl
Girl falls for Boy
All over again

 

14.
He’s the boy who
Makes her heart skip a beat
By just saying hello
&& she’s the girl who
Never learned to let go

 

13.
I’m done
I’m done with your dazzling smile
I’m done with the way you make me laugh
I’m done with the false hope you give me
I’m done with all the tear-filled goodbyes
I’m just done

 

12.

When I was little,
I wanted nothing short of a fairytale
But now all I want is to lie in his arms

 

11.
His words sounded like
A happily ever after
But his actions felt like
Heartbreak

 

10.

Seeing you today
Brought back all those memories
I spent all that time locking away

 

9.
People are always saying,
"You did fine before you met him,
so you can live without him."
But that’s just it, when he came into my life,
He got entangled around my happiness
&& when he left, he took it with him

 

8.
Everyone asks me why I still like you.
But I honestly don’t know
Something in that smile
Will always keep me
Hanging on

 

7.
There is always that one summer romance
That can get a girl through all those
Cold winter nights

 

6.
Why is it that
You are always on my mind
But she is always in your arms

 

5.
He’s the reason that
I don’t want another romance
Not because I’m afraid of falling again,
But because I don’t want to be
With anyone but him

 

4.
My hearts split in two
&& I don’t know what to do
I’m with him, but I also
Want you

 

3.
I have stopped looking for guys to date
I have you && that’s all I have ever needed

 

2.
There’s this girl
Who’s trying to
Make my life miserable
She makes me think of
The one thing I can’t have. You.
From facebook messages
To old mementos,
She is making me
Miss you so much
The worst part is,
That girl is me

 

1.

My biggest fear in the world

Is never finding someone

Who loves me the same way

He loved me