Meet the Girl


[-] Remy [-] Blondie [-] Eighteen [-]

[-] College Freshman [-]


I'm complicated to say the least. I talk way too much. I will baby everyone I care for if they let me. I play rough && I'm not afraid to get bruised. I find reasons to run out in the rain. I'm a nerd who loves HTML, forensic science, my sorority, && sports. I listen to country && alternative music. I love sci-fi, disney, action, && romance movies. I love spending time with my friends, but I also love the days I do nothing && talk to no one. I love wearing dresses as well as cute clothes, but I dread going shopping. I can’t go an hour without smiling. I push away the people who care about me. Welcome to my, imperfect, nonsensical, life.

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Name: Remy
Gender: Female


Interests: Cooking, Cheerleading, Wakeboarding, Reading, Hanging Out with Friends, && HTML


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Member Since: 1/29/2007

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Thursday, May 02, 2013

 

4.2.13- So my Formspring box died on me forever ago && I've been so busy I never came up with an alternative. Now the link to my Formspring is on the left under "Ask Me Anything". I'll try to answer questions as quickly as they come. If none of this makes sense, sorry guys, I only slept about two && a half hours last night && I a three && a half page paper I wrote about why I couldn't sleep to prove it. Yes, I write when I can't sleep. It kept my mind off the headache && helped me forget about the vomiting I did from my allergy induced sickness. It was a wonderful night. Ha. Ha.

3.25.13- I can't keep doing this to myself. I keep replaying the friendship over && over again in my head. It's making me go mad. I keep searching for a little detail that I've missed, the detail to show me at one time you really cared about me as a person. Not just a person to vent to, not just a person to use their room, not a person who would babysit you when you got drunk, but a person you respected && valued. But I can't seem to find that. All I want is a sign showing me I didn't waste my time && my compassion on you when you thought so little of me. At the same time though, I can't bring myself to believe that I meant nothing to you. That being said, I am the same girl who is waiting so desperately for her step-mother to actually see me as a daughter instead of an on-call babysitter that takes money away from her own biological children. So me saying that I can't myself to believe you never cared about the person I tried to offer to you as a friend says so little.

3.24.13- He told her he loved her. She said it back. She is totally, incandescently, && deliriously happy. As one should be when they find out that their first love loves them back. I am so happy for her. As one of my closest friends, I know she truly deserves this happiness tonight has given her. && I really hate to say it, but I am jealous. I am jealous, not that she is in love, but the fact she is in love && can now express it out loud && know that the one she is saying it to loves her back. I hate to be jealous of her, but this is the one thing I have so desperately wanted since I realized I was in love around Thanksgiving. The truth of the matter is though, I don't think I'll ever hear him say it. I can't at this moment see that in the cards for us. && that, for a lack of a better word, sucks.


3.13.13- I know when I am about to withdraw. It first starts with some doubt. Usually something little. A little tick of mine that I do not like. But then that grows to questioning. I start to shred myself apart little bit by bit. I become unworthy in my own eyes. I feel the emotionless pit I am about to fall into. && ever since winter of junior year in high school I have fallen into that hole with no way of stopping myself from going into it. Then, I just fall.

2.27.11- Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. Life here has been crazy busy. I am now the new campus representative for a project called Headbands of Hope && trying to start up that, plus all the school work, social events, && the boyfriend means not a lot of time to look up quotes. But I'm not complaining, I like being busy. I have been happy lately, spending lots of time with the boy of my life. Can't complain there. :)


2.8.11- You talk about the future like we have one. Not like the two kids, big house, && a dog type of future but a future beyond the next couple months. You talk about seeing each other over summer break && what we will be doing as sophomores. && here I am trying to not freak out about making plans for Formal which is two months away. Not because I want us to be done && over with. It is nothing like that. But the future is uncertain. We all know that. We cannot predict what will happen in days to come. Nobody can. Tomorrow you might wake up, go to class, && meet a very attractive, funny, && smart girl in our religions class that you are automatically attracted to. You wouldn't be looking for another girl, but she might just appear. && even though you would never purposefully hurt me, this other girl might be your other half && no matter how much you fight it, you two end up together. Things like that can happen. When you talk about the future, without meaning to, you make me want that future too. You make me want to make plans for the summer, talk about what we will be doing next year. You will make me want a future that I am not sure is meant for me. && if I get myself caught up in the future you see for us && something happens, I'll end up crushed by the thought of what could have been.


2.4.13- 
I keep running. I run to stay distant. Distant from things I want. Away from the things that make me happy. That make each && every day exciting. Things that give my everyday life color in a world that can be so black && white, dreary && disheartening. Things that make me happy; things that might even make me a better person. I run from you. You, the one who wants to do right by me. But that’s just it. I run from that specific quality. A quality that makes you treat me so well. Why? Coping mechanism. If I get so used to having a guy around that treats me so well, that wants to stay with me && take care of me when I am sick, hold me when I am sad, && put up with my erratic behavior, I’m going to fall for you harder. Then when you leave, I am going to be crushed. When I try to find someone new, no one is going to compare to you. Not just in personality, but also in the way you treat me. Jackasses will now not seem like enough to me, when before you, I expected all guys to act that way. I stay distant when I feel my walls that protect my heart crumble. But let’s be honest, you smashed almost all of those so very long ago.


1.24.11- Three words. Those three little words used separately a million times over each && every day by me alone. Words, that disjointly, have no profound effect on me. But when those three quite innocent words are in the form of a question, tend to shake me the very core.

I once fancied myself in love. But I was yet a child, a fourteen year old girl given the permission I so desperately yearned for to live out the romances my young adult romance novels had led me to believe was out there that very second for me to capture && delight in. I fell in "love" with the first boy who knocked on my door && asked for some of my time. But alas, it was not love. I never felt the burning flames of passion when I was near him or felt the heart's longing ache when we spent long times apart. One disappointment after another, I found myself looking for relationships with little emotional attachments. Guys who I could kiss && call my boyfriend, but nothing that could warrant any feeling that could be misconstrued as feelings of love. When I wanted an emotional attachment, I looked for the guy who could be my best friend. Guys who I had little delight in physical attraction with. I thought that in the end, I would have to pick the emotional or the physical attachment, but finding both in the same person was not in the card for my love life.
Then you. My friend. My ally in the new atmosphere I had found myself in. You came into my life so nonchalantly. The friend I so desperately needed && didn't know I even wanted. By that time I had made other friends, yes, but I was still yearning for someone routine. && although we had only just met, you seemed so familiar in this unfamiliar place. You were my friend && I categorized you as such. It was not until I went through rush week, when I felt unwanted by every sorority on campus && then some, I wanted something more from you. I became jealous of the girl who would be your first kiss. Knowing your future girlfriend was out there. Me believing it was not going to be me. Why should it be? Your character warrants a girl, a girl who be good to you && be the girlfriend you so aptly deserve. I selfishly wanted to be yours, an honor I didn't believe I merited.

&& as selfish as I knew it was, I took your first kiss from you. Quite literally took. Before you, I always dreamed of going after the things I wanted out of life. I used to sit in bed, playing dates, parties, or whole days over && over in my head, willing myself to say or do things I so wanted myself to do. There has never been a time in my life when did not know what I want to do, but I can count on my fingers how many times I have actually taken advantage of the situation when it ariose. My whole life, I have let moments pass me by. Kissing you, the exact moment I wanted to, came as quite a shock to both you && me.
The even heftier shock that also arose at that very moment was the epiphany it gave me. I love you. Not that I was ready to admit that to you. No. I was not that ready to even truly admit that to myself.
But there it was. The emotional && the physical. The guy who I could sit && talk to. The guy I could cuddle up && have my forehead kissed. The guy I could kiss && feel the passion I had always read about but I never believed existed outside of the novels. All in the same person. && for the time, that person was mine. Is mine.
Yesterday, as we laid curled up, you looked down at me && kissed me, && I couldn't keep it any longer. I said those words. Those words that shake me to my very core. I said them to you, after telling you not to react to the words coming out of my mouth. I looked away as I said the words that have threatened to pass my lips several times && began to press down on me. I told you I had no expectations. That I would be upset if you said the words back because we both know you do not feel the same. That after that night, we would not speak of it for a very long time. You looked at me, kissed both my hands, my forehead, && then my lips, telling me that you really do care about me. I know that. I've known that for a long time.

You know now my secret. You know where my heart lies. It lies with you. Now I must wait. Wait && see what the future lies. It may very well that you find someone else. Someone better. As I made you promise last night, I very much hope when that day happens that you do not stay with me out of loyalty. Or because you think I'll be crushed. Yes, I will take a while to recover from the heart break of my first real love. But I will not take your pity. If you choose to walk out tomorrow, I will not stop you. I will stay the ever-caring friend you will want out of me. I don't want you to feel compelled to stay with me because of what I have told you. If you stay, I want it to be that there is a possibility you might come to love me to.

1.11.12- Just revamped the layout. What do you think?

12.27.12- Can't sleep. && right now I doubt I will be able to for a long time.... I'm just way to emotionally involved in this relationship. All I know is I'm falling hard for a guy who has the ability to crush me at the drop of a hat. Which is an ability I have ever only given to one other guy && look how well that turned out. Two failed relationships with him later, && I still let him in a third time. I can't let someone in like that again. Logically, I know this guy is different. In every way. But I can't give him that kind of power over me unless I'm one hundred percent positive the feeling is mutual. I just can't keep going down this path. && doing this, leaving him, may crush me too.

12.25.12- Merry Christmas! Just decided to redo my winter layout. Do you like? :)

12.15.12- I can't do this. My friend is about to lead herself down the same path I just walked down a few months ago. The same path in which I would probably still be going down if I didn't have somebody convincing me that I deserved better. Which at times I still have trouble believing. But I can't say anything that is going to sway her. People only change when they want to change, && I don't think she wants to look for anything better. So I am going to have to sit here, watch her fight the same battle I did, && be there for her. Which is going to be hard. Because I know how a story like this ends. && rarely does it end with a happy ever after.

12.14.12- Have you ever felt like a horrible person over something you have no real control over? Things that have to do with you, things that affect your life, but something, that no matter how hard you try, will not go the way you want them to go? That's pretty much how I'm feeling right now. So I have this friend, let's call him Nick, who no joke has seen me at my absolute lowest. He's a great guy, I love the boy to death. But then there is this other boy. Who gets me better than any guy I've ever met. The guy I care about. So somewhere down the line of being just friends, Nick decided he wanted more from me. But Nick is a really lady's man, so I thought it would blow over. I mean, everyone else pretty much knows I'm with this other guy. We might not be official, but in reality, we are more of a couple than I have ever been in my past relationships. But Nick decided to push his luck. He got me a Christmas present that was very suggestive that he wanted to be more than friends. Which kind of made me angry. I've been straight with this boy since day one. Told him how I am with this other guy. But Nick decides that he thinks he can win my affection anyways. && now that it is break, he messages me every so often. Like making sure I know I'm on his mind is going to change how I feel about this other guy && steer m affections towards him. && I can't be mad at Nick: he's a great guy who is sad about missing out on me for some absurd reason. I just want things to go back to the way they were prior to this whole mess. Because every time he messages me, I feel guilty. Really guilty. I just don't know what to do...

12.11.11- Did you know I've been running this site for almost six years. Wow, the time really does fly.

11.27.11- I'm writing quotes again. I'm updating my HTML. Both for fun. Wow, it's been a long time since that's happened...

11.25.12- [Edited] I am a horrible person. I guess in retrospect there are people in the world who have done things far beyond what I could ever imagine myself doing, but tonight I feel as if I have succeeded in committing the word's most appalling deed. I have forced a guy, one that I care for more than I have ever cared for in my life, to the fast-paced lifestyle I live. He went from never-been-kissed to fully being with me in two to three weeks. I have allowed this to happen without being in an official relationship. It is in my opinion, in these kinds of situations, both people should be fully, happily, madly in love. From what I know, this is not the case in our situation. He cares about me. It's apparent. But love? I seriously doubt he's in love with me. I'm kind of too screwed up in the head to be able to earn something like that. && the worst part is I had no idea that I was moving so quickly. That, upon further review, I had moved at such a fast pace. As sad as it is, at the time I did not notice. I knew it was fast yes, but little did I know how fast. So instead of giving him the committed relationship someone like him deserves, I gave him the spring break fantasy: where it was a whirlwind romance, but in the end, the guy && the girl go their separate ways. Which will happen to us. He'll look back soon enough && say "This is not what I want. She is not good for me". && he will be gone. && I will still be here, broken hearted as ever. && I'll deserve it. So here I sit. Mere inches from where we were siting happily all cuddled up less than an hour ago, wishing he would text me, but understanding all the reasons he shouldn't. I may have not been good for him, but he means a good amount to me.

10.30.11- If you are wondering where my personal updates have gone, a person I know that I do not want gaining access to this site accidentally saw me  put in my username. Since I have written on here about him, I have deleted it. I am never this careless...

11.11.12- I don't think anyone will actually see this, but writing helps me clear my head of all the thoughts that swirl through it. Let’s call this guy James. He is absolutely amazing. Today, we were up in his room. I wanted to watch Fringe. Like normal, he complied. When we got upstairs, he pulled up the episode on his computer, gave me the computer, && told me to go lay down on the bed. He knew that I was utterly exhausted. Fully expecting him to join me, I plopped myself onto the bed && laid down. He came over, pulled the covers onto me, kissed me, kissed me on the forehead, hit play on the show, then proceded to clean. Rather confused, I asked him if he was going to join me. He looked at me, told me that I needed to relax, && that he was going to baby me. Baby me he did. Every time he was cleaning something near me, he'd kiss me && make sure I was tucked into the bed. Every once in awhile, he get on the bed && cuddle with me. When I told him that he didn't need to baby me, he told me that he knew that no one had to baby me, but I deserved to get babied every once in awhile. He is quite possibly the sweetest guy I have ever met. I don't know what I have done to deserve him, but thank you God for bringing him to me.


 
(/read policy statement before taking/)
 

206.
Wait for the person who pursues you,
The one that can make you smile
Just by saying hello.
The kind of person who will just lay with you
When it seems the whole world is out to get you.
The one who will make an

Ordinary moment seem magical,
&& most of all wait for the person
Who will always want to make you happy,
Because that's where you deserve.

205.
It means you have a choice.
You have a choice to make.
&& I don't want to rush you into
Making the decision before you're ready.
I want you to be sure you want this.
Because I want this. I want you.
&& I need to know you want me to.
For you to be sure this is what you want.

204.
So just kiss me
Let my hair tangle
Itself in your fingers.
Let me steady myself in the
Arms of the boy that won't
Ask me to be what I am not,
But instead lets me exist as I am.

203.
Do you ever just stop &&
Wonder why he chose you?
Do you ever stop && think
That it's just too good to be true?
Does it ever seem like
You are afraid to lose him when
Nothing points to that happening
Any time in the near future?
Because, without him, your
Life would be utterly incomplete
Without him by your side?

202.
I can't lose you.
&& that's your fault.
You held me when I was sad.
You stayed with me when
I wouldn't have blamed you for leaving.
You made me fall for you.
With your quick wit
&& your loyalty to your friends
You made me let you in.

201.
When I like a person, I actually like them.
It's not one of those three day crush type things.
It's not one of those talking to multiple guys thing.
It's a long-term, one guy kind of thing.
So when I tell you I like you, 
Know it's not a game.

200.
I laugh at stupid movies
&& I'm as stubborn as a stone.
I think I'm funny when I'm not,
I only cry when I'm alone.
I don't know what you want
Or what you think about me.
But when we are together
My heart always skips a beat.
Maybe you don't notice,
But I think we're meant to be.

199.
You know how to break down;
You do that every day.
But when it comes getting up,
You never cared to learn the way.

198.
If you want to gain my heart,
Show me that it's worth losing.

197.
Don't promise me the moon
Or the stars; they are
Promises too big to keep.
Just promise you'll lie
Under them holding me.

196.
When time is flying by far too fast,
How are we to make it last?

195.
Always be careful who you fall for.
Fall for a guy who isn't there to catch you,
You will end up broken && bruised
With no way of going back to the
Person you were before.

194.
My belief in happily ever afters
Is the only thing that gives
Me hope about the future.

193.
It's that sinking feeling in your gut
When you don't know if the person
You care about feels the same way.
The feeling that everything is temporary.
The feeling that true love is only
Real in fairy tales && cheesy books we read.
The feeling that everyone you care
About is going to leave you.

192.
Some things aren't supposed to last a lifetime.
Some things are only supposed to last
A year, a summer, a month, or a moment.
But the memories made are
Always worth it in the end.

191.
While many don't say the words
They want to, I write mine down.
It's my way of speaking the words
Many keep locked in their hearts
That way they know they are not alone
In this crazy world we call home.

190.
I don't get how I can let you in
When many who've know me
Longer are still waiting at the gate.

189.

I have a heart of glass.
I'm scared it might get smashed.
But when you are in love,
You have to take a chance.

188.
Currently my head is a horrible place to be.
&& you don't want to ask about
The conditions of my heart.

187.
Take a second. Breathe.
Focus on what you want,
Not what you can’t have.

Forget all the shit you are going through.
Remember that you are in a public place.
Paste on the smile everyone expects.
Laugh && joke with them.
If they start to look at you, trying to find a flaw in
The mask you’ve created, don’t let them find one.
Remember who you are supposed to be.
Remember how you are supposed to act.
If you are feeling weak in a public area, you are weak. Never show weakness, only strength.
If life gets hard, detract to a world all your own.
Don’t let what you're really feeling show.
Because if you even get the smallest crack
In the walls you’ve created around who
You really are && what you are really dealing with,
They will see you for what you really are: weak.
So take a second. Breathe.
Focus on what you want,
Not what you can’t have.


186.
Tell Me You Love Me
Darling won’t you please?
Tell me you love me.
I hate that we don’t speak.
Tell me you love me.
Will you forgive me please?
Tell me you love me.
I want you to be here with me.
Tell me you love me.
Will you ever come back to me?
Tell me you love me.
I miss you more than you know.
Tell me you love me.
Do you still believe in me?
Tell me you love me.
You mean so much to me.


185.
If you decide you want me back,
I'll be there for you.
Just waiting for the day
You see how much
You mean to me.

184.
What are you going to do
Now that I am gone?
What will you do?
When there is no one
To fall back on?
Will you finally see
What you lost when
You turned your back on me? 

183.
One of the hardest things to do is
Look at the person,
Remember all they did to you,
All the heartbreak you endured
Because of them,
&& still love them anyways.


182.
I love school.
Being out with people keeps
My mind off you.

181.
I tried to tell you how I feel
But my words didn’t make sense.
If I told you I miss you,
I think you could care less.

180.
She knew he was going to leave.
But that didn't stop her heart from
Doing back flips at the sight of him.

179.
You let him get to you.
You know it’s true.
He’ll always be that guy
Who’s too good to be true.

178.
You say that you miss me;
That you have changed.
But how can I trust
That this isn't a game?

177.
I can’t keep doing this,
I can’t keep running after you.
I can’t keep going to the moon && back for you,
When you won’t give me even a smile in return. 
I tried to tell you how I feel
But my words didn't make sense.
If I told you I miss you,
I think you could care less.

176.
We act like a couple,
You know it’s true.
How can’t you tell
I’m crazy about you?

175.

When I walk next to him,
I want to hold his hand.
When he looks at me,
I want him to kiss me.
When will he get the hint:
I want to be more than
Just friends

174.
If you care about me, tell me.
Don’t make me analyze every word you say
If it’s not meant to be.

173.
When I see you, my heart stops.
When I talk to you,
My stomach fills with butterflies.
You mean the world to me…
Now only if I could tell you.

172.
I don’t know what to do,
It’s not easy telling
How I feel about you.

171.
You make me happy;
It’s as simple as that.
I want to be yours;
You made my heart fall fast.

170.
You’re everything.
You’re smart, cute,
&& can always make me smile.
We can argue together,
But we also laugh together.
To me, you’re perfect…
One problem: You’re hers, not mine.

169.
No poet can describe how I feel
When I’m kissing you.

168.
He broke my heart,
He messed with my dreams.
I hope he’s happy with her,
Because he’s not coming back
To me.

167.
Play your games && have your fun,
Just don’t expect me to be here
When you’re done.

166.
One day someone will come into your life
&& change you forever.
They will replace sadness
With happiness && hate with love. 
From that day on, you’ll never be the same.

165.
I'm moving on.
I'm not letting one silly boy
Come between me && my summer.

164.
Tell me the truth:
Was I ever more than
a summer romance to you? 

163.
I'm sick of all the games.
I'm sick of all the mixed signals.
I'm sick of all the hurt.
But most of all,
I'm sick of the way I keep letting him
Back into my life.

162.
I hope she
breaks your heart.

I hope she breaks it into a million pieces
like you did to me.
I hope she delivers the same sharp
"I don't love you" that you said to me.
But more than all of that,
I hope she stays with you
&& makes you as happy as
you made me.

161.
One of the hardest parts about
Falling out of love is watching other people falling in.
It's feels like their lives are falling into placeWhile your life is falling apart.

160.

When I try to explain my feelings for you,

The words never come out right.

All I know is to me,

You mean more than all the stars in the sky.

 

159.

She might not show her emotions,
But she does have them.

&& even though she smiled as you walk away,

Her world was falling apart.

 

158.

He's different, he just doesn't know it yet.

When he smiles, its contagious.

The way he makes me feel is so outrageous.

157.
I'm an open book,
With very little left unsaid.

So when I said I love you,
I meant with no end.

156.

She runs away.

It’s what she’s always done.

It keeps her from getting hurt

&& getting disappointed by love.

No one can break her heart that way,

So no one can hurt her like he did.

 

155.

The days && weeks have become a blur.

I can’t think straight without you here.

 

154.

I want to go back to the ways we used to be.

The days when I knew you’d want to talk to me

&& said sweet dreams every night.

The nights I knew you truly loved me.

 

153.

I'm moving on,

But I will never forget you.

You have become so apart of my life,

&& I can never thank you enough for

All the happiness you brought to my life.

You’ll be the summer I would never dare forget.

 

152.

You used to be as predictable

As an afternoon shower.

But now, I’m stuck waiting for you

To take me out of this drought.

 

151.

I hope one day you take out your phone

&& see all the texts we sent each other.

I hope that then you see how

Absolutely crazy I was about you

 

150.

He came into her life like a shooting star.

With love that was so beautiful && so wonderful.

But as quick as he came into her life, he left,

&& he left her out of breath && blind.

 

149.
You didn't just break my heart,
You tore it to shreds.
I don't know how you expect

Me to be able to ever love again.

  

148
I can't help but miss you.
You have become so
Ingrained in my life
I can't just forget
Every memory of you
The way you forgot me

  

147.
I just want someone to hold me.
Just hold me tight in their arms.
&& tell me that everythinall rightg is going
To be all right

  

146.
If my heart was a door, where would it lead?
To the one I want or the one I need?

  

145.
You sit at home wanting someone to see you,
When the one who does is waiting for you to notice

  

144.
Your heart may not be made of actual gold,
But the one you give it to should treat it with value

  

143.
They see each other for the first time in years.
&& though the words they say don’t show it,
There is more going on between them then
The weather

  

142.
I hope when you figure it all out,
I’m one of those things you want to keep.

  

141.
I have never wanted you half-way,
I want you forever, or I don’t want to stay

  

140.
I wanted you. Clean && simple.
But I know better than to wait for the impossible

  

139.
She lies in bed with tears in her eyes,
Wondering when their love turned into a lie

  

138.
After two years,
His name still hits her
Like a jagged knife.
&& leaves a mark on
Her heart only his love can heal

  

137.
The duties of the mind cannot
Comfort the heart on a cold winter night

  

136.
When I gave you my heart,
At first, you held it tight.
Then you broke it
&& fled the scene of the crime.

  

135.
Our hearts are beating to
The same mixed tape
I want to be free,
But I can’t escape

  

134.
You’ve hook me by the heart
&& dragged me through hell
But when you look at me,
I could never say farewell

  

133.
I’m not going to sit here
&& wait for you like I used to.
I’m going to keep moving
&& if you decide you want me in your life,
You better run to catch up.

  

132.
I don’t want to have to let you go.
You are my sunshine,
&& I’m sick being out in the rain.

  

131.
You took my heart
&& tore it apart.
I don't know what to do
I can't get over you


 

130.

Sometimes the most perfect moments

Can happen at the most

Imperfect of times

  

129.

Kiss me one more time

So I can remember what its like

To feel alive

  

128.

People say

“Don’t waste your time looking for love.”
But I think wasting time on love is

The worthiest thing to waste time on

 

127.

Every once in awhile,

I accidentally run into you,

Even though we live miles apart.

Its like fate's sick way of teasing me

About the one thing I can't have

  

126.

She wants him now,

Not tomorrow, or in a week. But now.

&& if he doesn’t want her now

She not going to wait for him

 

125.

What do you do when your heart is breaking?

What do your life is shaking?

What do you when you can't go back?

What do you do when your life's like that?

  

124.

This is a story of a girl

&& the boy who made her

His world

 

123.

All she wants is for him to come running back,

Kiss her && promise to never

Leave her side

 

122.

I still care

(I'm just done with showing it)

 

121.

Whenever life changes or nothings going right,

She keeps a book by her side.

Because no matter how many things change,

Her books never will

 

120.
Life doesn't ask you what's
The best day for your life to
Turn upside down.
Life doesn't give you a day's notice
Before a big changes happens.
Life just changes. && you have to too.

 

119.
She doesn't really know him at all.
They're not friends or even close acquaintances.
But one look into his eyes, &&
She knew she was in love

 

118.
They were young && in love
Now they're just alone && confused

 

117.

She wants their happily ever after.

But he’s not her Prince Charming

 

 

 

 

116.

Sometimes it hurts to walk away
To give up something that means so much
But sometimes walking away is what
You have to do to get back to
The happiest you used to have

 

115.

All it takes is a quiet sound,

A single photograph or a word.

All it takes is something so small

To unlock all the memories

You swore to forget

 

114.

She's a hopeless romantic.
Who looses herself in the books
In which the girl gets the guy
No matter how long
They've been apart.
The girl who falls into the
Fantasies that rarely come true

 

113.

What do you do when your heart is breaking?
What do you do when your whole life's shaking?
What do you do when you can't turn back?
What do you do when your life's like that?

 

112.

This is goodbye
Not a simple see you later.
Not because I don't love you
But because you have your life
All set out in front of you
&& I can't fit in the small space
You're giving me

 

111.

When she saw you today,
She was lost in a sea of emotion.
She didn't know if she should run up && kiss you
Or walk by without noticing you're alive

 

110.

She used to being dumped.
She can handle that.
But the way you lead her on
&& let her tag along,
That's one thing she can't handle

 

109.

I will never know what would

Have happened if I stayed.

&& we have gone our

separate ways for too long

To pick up where we left off.

We're different people than

we were that summer

But despite all of that,

I still wonder what could have been,

What should have been.

  

108.

I have been sitting here

waiting for you for so long

Because I'm scared if

I tried to get up && move on,

I wouldn't know how

  

107.
They didn't have a fight.

They didn't scream at each other till

Thier lungs gave out.

They just walk away

With so many words left unsaid.
 

106.

Everyone has that day.

The day you replay over && over

When the world's not going right.

I just wish that one day for you

Is the day we met

 

105.

I have let you break my heart

One too many times.

But now I'm too strong to

give up && cry

 

104.

When she picks up her pencil to write,

Her seemingly unbreakable walls

Around her heart shows their cracks.

&& the girl who looks unstoppable

Becomes the broken girl who still can't

Get over that one guy

  

103.

When he looked into her eyes,

He could see all the times

She said"I love you"

&& when she looked into his

All she could see is the one time

He said "I don't"

  

102.

Half of her heart wants to

Put him behind her.

The other half still hopes

That he'll come running back,

Like Prince Charming did for Cinderella

  

101.

Every time he stares into her eyes

She wonders if he sees the girl

She's always been or the girl

He's always wanted her to be

 

100.

She is like a magnet

Half of her

Wants to repel him.

&& the other half

Wants to pull him closer

 

99.

I have amazing friends

I have great grades

&& I have a wonderful family.

I’m only missing one thing

You

  

98.

It might not have been perfect

But it made me happy,

Truly && completely happy.

I just want to feel like that again

 

97.

I want to go back to the days

Where you held me around the waist

&& kissed me on the forehead,

No matter who was watching.

I want to go back to the days

When you texted me every day

To make sure I knew you missed me

Or how much you cared.

I want to go back to those days

  

96.

I’m done with the hurt,

I’m done with the pain,

But every time you look at me

It drives me insane

  

95.

She tells her friends she doesn’t even

Remember why she liked him,

But she actually just doesn’t want

To let herself fall all over again

 

94.

I loved how you kissed me because

I wore your favorite shirt or how

You called me to tell me

Good morning

 

93.

The way you say my name

Puts me in a daze.

The way you make me feel

Is enough to drive me insane.

 

92.

I’m done with your halfhearted apologies

Either you make me believe you love me

Or you let me go.


 91.

If I could go back to when we dated,

I’d see every “I love you”

You told me was a lie

 

90.

I try to impress everyone.

Around my dad I am the

Quiet, caring daughter,

Who would never talk back.

When I am with my friends

I am the brave outgoing one.

But I have figured out how to

Impress the most important person

In my life:

Me

 

89.

Every day somebody

Gets their heart broken

Every day somebody

Feels the pain of the words

“I don’t love you”

But when it happens to you,

It feels like the world is about

To end

 

88.

He broke my heart,

Into a million tiny sharp pieces.

He broke my heart,

The way a heart should

Never be broken,

But even after all of that,

I would give anything to

Call him mine again

 

87.

Even though I miss him,

I hope we never meet again.

Because I have idealized him,

Made him perfect in my memory

&& I’m afraid if I saw him again

He would be as perfect

As I remember him

 

86.

To everyone is just a normal guy

Who is quiet && slightly awkward.

But to her, he is amazing,

The hottest guy she has ever seen.

The guy who is quiet only when

He’s around people he doesn’t know.

But around her is witty && charming.

The guy who she has completely

Fallen for.

 

85.

She is done with his old clichés

She need someone who

Is as original as her.

 

84.

She hides behind the castles walls.

Protecting her heart from breaking.

Hoping her prince will save her

From the loneliness.

 

83.

She builds up walls:

That way a silly boy can’t break her heart.

But hiding behind walls also keeps out

The only boy who won’t

 

82.

 

 

First loves are always the hardest to get over

Because the heart has trouble closing itself off

From what made it open in the first place

 

81.

She dreams that he’ll come after her

Like Romeo did for Juliet

 

80.

I used to think you were my sun.

&& when you left I remembered something:

If you stay in the sun, you’ll get burned

 

79.

It takes more strength to let go then hold on

Because when you let go,

You have to accept

That they are never coming back

 

78.

All the stars in the sky yield in comparison

To the beauty in your eyes

 

77.

He gives her the first grade butterflies

&& the before test jitters with one glance

 

76.

It seems like when I’m the happiest

I hear a voice, a laugh, a song on the radio,

&& it reminds me of how much

I still miss you

 

75.

What do you do if your Prince Charming

Wants a different damsel in distress

 

74.

One of the hardest things in the world

Is to watch your best friend

make the same mistakes

You’ve made && not being able to stop her

 

73.

Some nights I sit

&& think about how much I miss you,

Then he texts me && I remember how

He was there to pick up the pieces

You broke in the first place

 

72.

She tells herself that she wants to

See him one last time so she can say goodbye.

But she knows that if she saw him again,

The last thing she’d want to do

Is say goodbye

 

71.

You might not want her back now,

But you will eventually.

She was perfect for you,

The soul mate of your existence

&& you threw her out with the trash.

One day, you gonna miss her,

But she won’t be coming back

 

70.

She is loud, crazy, && stubborn.

But when he looks at her, she is perfect.

He sees his whole existence in her gaze.

 

69.

She is quiet to the world

Then loud && crazy with her friend

She laughs too loud at jokes

&& is constantly tripping

But to him, her obscurities make

Her even more beautiful

 

68.

It’s been months,

but when she ran into him today

She felt the jitters, the shortness of breath,

&& the love she spent so much time

Trying to forget

 

67.

I’m not asking for a storybook romance

Just someone to hold my hand

&& never leave my side

 

68.

She tells herself it’s too comfortable with him.

But secretly she wonders if that’s because

There’s no mystery like there was with you

 

69.

Love;

It’s the ride of your life

The kind that even in 100 years

You’ll never be able to forget

 

70.

Comfortable...

How much I hate that word.

It puts your life into a box

&& once your in the box,

It’s almost impossible to get out

 

71.

Her life has always been a roller coaster,

She never stayed in the same place for long.

&& now she’s with him

&& her life is now constant.

But she never tells anyone she misses he life before.

 

66.

The days I spent with you weren’t perfect

But they are the closest

I’ve ever gotten to it.

 

65.

Loss is one of the most important feelings

A person could have

Without it, we wouldn’t know

How important somebody is to us

 

64.

She didn’t want to admit it

But she loved him more than she should have

 

63.

He had me hooked on his lie of forever

It just took me awhile to see

I deserved better

 

62.

I understood why you left, I really do.

It was an impossible,

Doomed to failure relationship from the start.

But we’re both back here,

A year later, still trying to make it work.

 

61.

He’s the boy that

Makes me feel every cliché in the book

The one who you think about

While reading this quote.

 

60.

Its crazy, no matter what you say,

No matter what you do,

I will always come back to you

 

59.

I’m going to set the bar high,

I can do so much better than him this time

 

58.

I always run away from him

Hoping that one day he’ll try to catch me

 

57.

She didn’t fall for him for his hot body

Or his amazing smile;

There was something is his words

That made her fall harder

Than she ever had before

 

56.

I haven’t seen him in months

I haven’t heard from him in months

But as soon as his name pops up on my chat list

my heart still skips a beat

 

55.

I sit staring at his name on my chat list,

Only wishing that he is doing the same to my name

 

 

54.

My biggest fear in the world

Is never finding someone

Who loves me the same way

He loved me

 

53.

He’s there all the time,

While you were there only a month.

But he will never love me as much

As I loved you.

 

52.

He is a prep, she is a punk.

He listens to rap, she listens to rock.

He is quiet, she is everything but.

They are so different,

But they way they fell for each other

In the blink of an eye

 

51.
He was always been a player,
But it took her awhile to figure out
She deserved better

 

50.
Her iPod is full of the
Heartbreaking lyrics she wishes
She could say to him

 

49.
I want to give him my heart,
But you never gave it back

 

48.
She wished on a star every night,
But she never got what she wanted,
You

 

47.
She's done with the
Should-have beens,
Could-have beens.
She is finally ready to move on

 

46.
She could get on with life without him,
But a life without him as her love isn't
A very good life at all

 

45.
She could have almost every guy
In the blink of an eye,
But she fell for the one
She couldn't catch

 

44.
I'm not afraid to try again.
I'm just afraid of falling
For the same trick twice

 

43.
She can't give up the storybook ending,
Because it ends with her finally getting
Him

 

42.
She sits quietly waiting for 11:11,
Just so she can wish to see him smile
One last time

 

41.
No matter how hard she tries,
she can't forget how she felt when
They slow danced under the stars
&& he told her how he felt about her

 

40.
I hadn't seen him in awhile,
&& I thought nothing he could do
Could make me fall for him again...
&& then he smiled

 

39.
He's like the sweetest sin,
Close enough to fall for,
But too far away to catch you

 

38.
I hate indirect messages
Either you tell me you love me
&& mean it, or you walk away

 

37.
It hurts her to know that even though
She will remember everything he said,
He won't remember her name

 

36.
She sits in her bed with his shirt on
Wishing she could go back to the summer
When she lied in his arms

 

35.
Our relationship is falling apart,
But that doesn't hurt as much as
Knowing you don't care enough
To put it back together

 

34.
She sits in her room
Watching the same old video
Trying to memorize
The sound of his voice

 

33.
In his arms
He's a chapter in her book
She just can't finish
&& let go of

 

32.
She can't figure out what she wants.
She loves the freedom of being single,
But she'd give anything to be back

In his arms

 

31.
No matter how hard she tries,
She can't forget how she felt
When they  slow danced under the stars
&& he said how he felt about her

 

30.
People always ask why she loves him
Honestly she doesn't know, but there's
Something in his eyes that keep her
Hanging on

 

29.
She wishes he would look at her
Like he did when they first met

 

28.
He's constantly playing her
But she can't help but
Fall for him every time

 

27.
I wish I had the guts to say
all that I wrote down
In these quotes to your face.
Because then you might see
how much you truly mean to me

 

26.
They are dating other people.
But when they see each other,
They fall all over again

 

25.
She loves to sing country in the rain,
&& he’s strictly rock.
She’s always bubbly,
&& he is quiet in a crowd.
She’s constantly reading,
While he won’t touch a book.
They're complete opposites,
But when they’re together,
It’s magic

 

24.
I have stopped looking for guys to date.
I’ve got you && that’s all I have
Ever needed

 

23.
He always shows up at the wrong times,
But no matter what,
She’d drop everything to be back
In his arms

 

22.
She’s a hopeless romantic,
Looking for love in all the wrong places.
&& he is just waiting for her to see
That he’s the one for her

 

21.
Why is it that she wants the
Never-going-to-work,
Heart brake filled,
Emotion-filled relationship
When there is a boy who is
Always there for her right now

 

20.
I’m scared to tell him he has my heart
In fear that he’ll throw it away

 

19.
The hardest choice to make
Is to choose between
The one you love
&& the one who loves you

 

18.
Summer is almost here
&& so much has changed
We aren’t the same people
We were last summer
So why is it I still want to be
In your arms

 

17.
He promised we’d keep in touch
I guess it was one more promise
He didn’t intend on keeping

 

16.
Every time I get a text message,
I secretly hope it’s from you
Even after all this time

 

15.
Boy meets Girl
Girl falls for Boy
Boy breaks Girl’s heart
One year later,
Boy talks to Girl
Girl falls for Boy
All over again

 

14.
He’s the boy who
Makes her heart skip a beat
By just saying hello
&& she’s the girl who
Never learned to let go

 

13.
I’m done
I’m done with you're dazzling smile
I’m done with the way you make me laugh
I’m done with the false hope you give me
I’m done with all the tear-filled goodbyes
I’m just done

 

12.

When I was little,
I wanted nothing short of a fairytale
But now all I want is to lie in his arms

 

11.
His words sounded like
A happily ever after
But his actions felt like
Heartbreak

 

10.

Seeing you today
Brought back all those memories
I spent all that time locking away

 

9.
People are always saying,
"You did fine before you met him,
So you can live without him."
But that’s just it, when he came into my life,
He got entangled around my happiness
&& when he left, he took it with him

 

8.
Everyone asks me why I still like you.
But I honestly don’t know
Something in that smile
Will always keep me
Hanging on

 

7.
There is always that one summer romance
That can get a girl through all those
Cold winter nights

 

6.
Why is it that
You are always on my mind
But she is always in your arms

 

5.
He’s the reason that
I don’t want another romance
Not because I’m afraid of falling again,
But because I don’t want to be
With anyone but him

 

4.
My hearts split in two
&& I don’t know what to do
I’m with him, but I also
Want you

 

3.
I have stopped looking for guys to date
I have you && that’s all I have ever needed

 

2.
There’s this girl
Who’s trying to
Make my life miserable
She makes me think of
The one thing I can’t have. You.
From Facebook messages
To old mementos,
She is making me
Miss you so much
The worst part is,
That girl is me

 

1.

My biggest fear in the world

Is never finding someone

Who loves me the same way

He loved me

I tried to tell you how I feel
But my words didn’t make sense.
If I told you I miss you,
I think you could care less.




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Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Trust

My writing teacher told us to write a short personal reflection on the word trust yesterday. I must admit that what I turned in was half assed, due to the fact that I really did not want to give the gory details on my view on trust to my professor at a time when I am really struggling with what the word really means. But I will turn over the reflection to you, dear xanga goers. Maybe you have some insight into the matter I do not.

The Meaning of Trust
Where there is no trust in a relationship, there can never be a strong relationship. Trust has to be the foundation of any relationship for there to be a lasting relationship. One cannot simply lie at a constant to a person he or she cares about and for him or her to still have that relationship in later years. One cannot act selfish, doing only things for his or her sole benefit without the expectation of losing the trust of all her or she holds dear. Trust is a belief that there is someone you can rely upon and will have your best interests at heart.

Trust, however cannot just be based upon words alone. People have the innate ability to spin tales of wonder, tales full of fiction with only the slightest bit of truth to them, but to those who do not know the full story can be easily persuaded to be is truth && only truth. This does not mean people always tell things in a way that they know is false. People always skew stories in a way that benefit themselves, whether they know they are doing it or not. This skewed perception can then be told to others, && if the others trust && value the opinion of the person who is sharing, they will also see the circumstance in that same way.

This is a trap I fall into quite regularly. I have a tendency of trusting people from first sight, believing that what they say to me && how they act around me is exactly who they are. Being that I do not sugar coat or pander to people I meet, I expect those I meet to do the same. I can be so easily mislead, falling right into the world the way that particular person sees it && feel extreme amounts of empathy for them. I do not have tests for people to see if I can trust them; I instead trust them whole heartedly until they give me a reason not to. Even if they do something to hinder that trust, I usually give them multiple chances at showing me that I can trust them. Which inevitably ends with me getting hurt time && time again by the same person. More than once has a person broken my trust so blatantly && so rigorously that I have just laid in bed for days crying. Not crying for the sake of feeling pity for myself, but instead crying because I feel bad about having to break a friendship dear to me because I can no longer take the pain && suffering it has caused me. I, ironically, feel bad for them, for what I am doing to them, && how I feel bad for leaving them out in the cold because my feelings can no longer take the beating. I know it is too much for me to bear when I am alone with my boyfriend trying to just relax, && I break out bawling because the pressure of a friendship has just caused me to feel so much pain I get over my dislike of crying in front of people. Thankfully I have a boyfriend who is willing to just hold me when I cry, something that lately has been a pass time of mine when I am not dealing with the other parts of my life.


Monday, March 25, 2013

When I Thought You Cared

Sometimes love isn’t enough to
Tackle all the obstacles in life
&& you will have to deal with
The heartbreak of knowing that
That person you love is gone &&
You’re left, alone, to try your
Very hardest to fall out of love.
To do something you never thought
You’d have to do.
Just keep your head held high.
Don’t let it get to you, don’t fall apart.
Clear your heart && let it go.
&& when it comes around again, let love in.
Because you never know.
It’s all about having faith.





There are only two reasons why
You leave someone you're still in love with:
Either it's the right thing to do,
Or it's the only thing to do.





No, it's not selfish to want
Someone to need you.
All you are guilty of is the desire for love.
Something that everyone deserves.





The things she most wanted to tell him
Would lose their meaning the moment
She put them into words.
[/Haruki Murakami/]





Friendship is being with each other,
Even when we cannot increase the joy
Or decrease the sorrow.





&& just like that he picked her up
&& dusted her off. Without even trying.
That’s how their love was.
When she was at her worst,
He saw her at her best.





I love being with you.
You don't try to impress me;
You expect everyone to either
Accept you at face value &&
If they don't, that's their own problem.
You also accept me for who I am.
In ways that I am incapable of doing myself.
&& we can be doing anything,
Homework, watching a show,
or even laying together && not talking,
&& everything just seems right.
[/oxoxBlondieGirlxoxo/]





I pushed you away because
I knew that if you stayed,
I could never turn you down.
You are the most beautiful &&
Most terrible things that's ever
happened to me, && you will
Always have my heart.






But he had been in love once, that he knew.
Once && only once, && a long time ago.
&& it had changed him forever.
Perfect love did that to a person,
&& this had been perfect.
[/The Notebook/]





I know this is hard to believe, but she cared.
She cared a whole lot about you.
She's not perfect, she knows that,
But she loved you, remember that.
She still does. She probably still will,
After she leaves && she goes her way,
She's still gonna care.





Sometimes people choose to leave
Not because of selfish reasons,
But they know that things will get worse if they stay.





We gotta start teaching our daughters
To be sombodies instead of sombody's.
[/Kifah Shah/]





If you have the feeling that you want to kiss him,
don’t just want to do it, just go for it &&
love every moment of it,
&& when its over wish it
could last forever.





I told God "protect me from my enemies",
&& I started losing friends.





Do you ever wonder about how an author
Would describe you in a novel?
Not only your appearance but
The way you talk and laugh
&& hold yourself && all the
Expressions on your face?





Credit:
lovely--fashion034
vanityqts
splicedd

sayyeaquotes
unbreakable8
browneyedgirl792


Tuesday, February 05, 2013

These are the Confessions of a True Heart.

So kiss me hard because this
Might be the last time I ever let you.



[/More Here.../]


I'm Alice in Wonderland; Watch Me Fall

 Alice: I simply must get through!
Doorknob: Sorry, you're much too big. Simply impassible.
Alice: You mean impossible?
Doorknob: No, impassible. Nothing's impossible.
[/Alice in Wonderland/]



[/Click for More Alice.../] :)



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